MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: What a Crowd | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Russian Backchannel | Misinterpreted | Dummy | Faceless Bureaucrat | Conspiracy Nut --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: On Many Sides | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Asset Seizure | Nazi Salute | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: True Believer | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Pope Francis | You Just Got Here | Safe Space --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: LOL No | Ineffective | Justin Joe Trudeau | Withdraw Permission | Invertibrate --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Fake Battleground | Ann Coulter | Protect Heritage | Self-Fellate | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sweden | Bowling Green | Canada | Sizzler | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Pussy Hat | Milk Assumedly Whole Not 2 | Stupid Plastic Button | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Southern Poverty Law Center | Ballistic | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Modern Underground Railroad | Anti Defamation League --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Hollywood Elite | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Alex Jones | Gateway Pundit | Breitbart Centipede | Recuse | Louise Mensch --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Rep Devin Nunes | Frat Dreams | Hide Intel | Greg Gianforte | Act of Mercy --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Yeah No | Rep Nancy Pelosi | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Carter Page | Useful Idiot | Wikileaks | Radical Moose Lamb --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | Sebastian Gorka | Lone Wolf | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Eric Trump --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Pot Meet Kettle | Preemptive Strike | Sheriff David Clarke | FBI Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Real-Time Fact Checking | Anderson Cooper | David Farenthold | Kurt Eichenwald | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Leaking Like a Sieve | Unconstitutional | Health Code Violation | Unreliable Secret Service | Office of Governmental Ethics --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Bill OReilly | Jared Kushner | Bill Maher | Obamas Shadow Government --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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