MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | Higher Purpose | Hurricane Harvey | Hide Behind Bushes | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Disown | Dont Like To Read | Safe Space | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Predictable Blowback --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Test Launch | Unleash the Butthurt | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | Self-Fellate | Lord Buckethead | What a Crowd | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Dummy | Extreme Vetting | Thin Ice | Circular Fucking Logic | Super Secret Information --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Bowling Green | Trump Tower | Sweden | Iran | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Hackable Voting Machines | Confederate Flag | Golf Cart | Lint Roller | Presidential Bathrobe --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Both Sides | Negative Press Covfefe | Suck It Up Buttercup | David Farenthold --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | CBO Score | Sally Yates | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Army of Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | Testify | Yuuuge Wall | The CPB | ICE Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Susan Rice | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor | Gabby Giffords | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Pretty Hate Machine | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Roger Stone | Andrew Napolitano --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | Fire and Fury | David Duke | Donald Trump Jr | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Anne Frank Foundation | Modern Underground Railroad | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter | Carter Page | Radical Moose Lamb --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Kathy Griffin | Switch Jobs | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Emasculated --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rex Tillerson | John McCain | Frat Dreams | Betsy DeVos | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Notorious RBG | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Jared Kushner | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.