MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Angela Merkel | True Believer | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Valentines Day | Nazi Needs a Punchin --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Completely Safe | Misinterpreted | Thin Ice | Difficulty Recruiting | Snowflake --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Unleash the Butthurt | Me First | Investigative Reporter | Nazi Salute --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | LOL No | Hurricane Harvey | Hide Behind Bushes | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ratings Bonanza | Cancelled | Dickishly Preferential Treatment | Transparent Bluff | Fake Battleground --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Syria | White House | Trump Tower | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Confederate Flag | Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Rep | Antifa | Michael Tracey | Carter Page --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Roger Stone | Call to War | Breitbart Centipede | Deconstruction --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | JK Rowling | Ariana Grande | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Blue Lives Matter | Testify | Pot Meet Kettle | Another Kent State --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: David Farenthold | Kurt Eichenwald | Press Solidarity | Fact Checking Chyron | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Buyers Remorse | Yeah No | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | A Day Without Women --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Lone Wolf | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | David Duke | Manufactured War --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Flip | Rogue Health Agency | Desperate Archivists | Person of Interest --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Frat Dreams | Betsy DeVos | Greg Gianforte | Rep Devin Nunes | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Blinding Arrogance | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Intelligence Community | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.