MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

;

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Ratings Bonanza | Trump-Brand Hooker | Lord Buckethead | Cuck --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Parliamentary Rejection | Angela Merkel | Widows Garb | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Predictable Blowback --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Dummy | Distress Call | Snowflake | Russian Backchannel --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | Freudian Slip | Flagrant Nepotism | Pooping Dog | Jewish Klan Rally --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Nazi Salute | Body Slam | MOAB | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Easter Bunny Costume | Secret Service Laptop | Fine Tuned Machine | Certified Letter --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Canada | Sizzler | Comet Pizza | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Glenn Greenwald | Jill Fucking Stein | Useful Idiot | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Rogue NASA | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Unreliable Secret Service | Health Code Violation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Fire and Fury | President Bannon | Milo Yiannopoulos | Nuclear Holocaust --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Ariana Grande | Emasculated | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | National Guard | Yuuuge Wall | Sheriff David Clarke | DHS Secretary John Kelly --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: We All Hang Out | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League | Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Sen Jeff Sessions | Rep Raul Labrador | Obamacare Lite | Rex Tillerson | Rep Steve King --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Alex Jones | Pretty Hate Machine | Repeal and Replace | Recuse --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Daylin Leach | John Kerry | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Holy Shit Indeed | Suck It Up Buttercup | Uncredible | Faux Presidential | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Tucker Carlson | Notorious RBG | Bill Maher | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Obamacare --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

;