MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Totally Different | Nazi Salute | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Memify That Shit --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Widows Garb | Predictable Blowback | Pope Francis | Dont Like To Read | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Dummy | Ethics Violation | Misinterpreted | Integrity Appropriation | Weak Ass Defense --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Higher Purpose | Ineffective | Level of Viciousness | Pooping Dog | Freudian Slip --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Trump-Brand Hooker | Empty the Executive Library | Too Bad | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Pussy Hat | Electoral Map | Certified Letter | Cheap Coke --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Trump Tower | Syria | Atlanta | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Pretty Hate Machine | Andrew Napolitano | Fox Friends | Peter Schweizer --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Rep Nancy Pelosi | A Day Without Women | Unclear on the Concept --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | CBO Score | Rogue NASA | Person of Interest --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Southern Poverty Law Center | Modern Underground Railroad | Indivisible | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Jill Fucking Stein | Radical Moose Lamb | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Switch Jobs | Saturday Night Live | Hollywood Elite --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: John Boehner | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Ban Protesting | Greg Gianforte | Scott Pruitt --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Faux Presidential | The Opposition Party | Suck It Up Buttercup | Snopes --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Preemptive Strike | Hang Up | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Another Kent State --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | David Duke | Lone Wolf | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Bring On Climate Change | Intelligence Community | Jared Kushner | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.