MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Flagrant Nepotism | Justin Joe Trudeau | Miraculous Survival | Higher Purpose | Aura of Alienation --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Body Slam | Totally Different | MOAB | Unleash the Butthurt | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Astound | Difficulty Recruiting | Thin Ice | Stephen Colbert --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Predictable Blowback | Safe Space | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | True Believer --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | What a Crowd | Cuck | Trump-Brand Hooker | Fake Battleground --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Electoral Map | Fine Tuned Machine | Secret Service Laptop | Gen Flynns Party Yacht | Easter Bunny Costume --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Comet Pizza | Sizzler | Iran | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: John Boehner | Rex Tillerson | Freedom Caucus | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Whiter Than A Klan Rally In A Snowstorm --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Fire and Fury | Grand Dragon | Eric Trump | Lone Wolf --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Holy Shit Indeed | Snopes | Kurt Eichenwald | Washington Post | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | CBO Score | Flip | Unconstitutional | Unreliable Secret Service --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Meryl Streep | Kendall Jenner | Kate McKinnon --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Anti Defamation League | Ballistic | Modern Underground Railroad | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | Testify | New England Patriots | Take It Or Leave It | Pot Meet Kettle --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter | Susan Sarandon | Useful Idiot | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Recuse | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Kellyanne Conway | Russian Photographer --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Yeah No | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Pussy Grabs Back | Font of Embarrassment | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Bill OReilly | Jeanine Pirro | Reality Leigh Winner | Tucker Carlson --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.