MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!

Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!



Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.

Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Fake Battleground | Transparent Bluff | Ann Coulter | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!


White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.

Other 'White' cards: Widows Garb | Pope Francis | Firm Handshake | Im Not With Him | Safe Space --> Click Here to see more White cards!!


Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.

Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Out of the Loop | Totally Different | Gene | Investigative Reporter --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!


The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.

Other 'Blue' cards: Circular Fucking Logic | Difficulty Recruiting | Interesting Omissions | Silence Media Outlet | Misinterpreted --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!


It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.

Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | LOL No | Hurricane Harvey | Flagrant Nepotism | Freudian Slip --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!


Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!

Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Comet Pizza | Atlanta | Trump Tower | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!


The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!

Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Pee Pee Tape | Fine Tuned Machine | Lint Roller | Shit Sandwich --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!


The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!

Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Rogue NASA | Leaking Like a Sieve | Not Quite Yet | Unconstitutional --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!

Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Holy Shit Indeed | Uncredible | Kurt Eichenwald | Washington Post --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!


Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.

Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Roger Stone | David Seaman | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Call for Authoritarianism --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!


The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter

Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Lone Wolf | Fire and Fury | President Bannon | Grand Dragon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!


Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!

Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Switch Jobs | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | JK Rowling | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!

Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: ICE Raid | FBI Raid | The CPB | Testify | Pot Meet Kettle --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.

Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Glenn Greenwald | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Useful Idiot | Michael Tracey --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!

Other 'Republicans' cards: John McCain | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Rex Tillerson | Rep Adrian Smith | Reince Priebus --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!

Other 'Minorities' cards: Do Your Job | Southern Poverty Law Center | Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!


Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!

Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | John Kerry | Gloat | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Nevertheless She Persisted --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!

Other 'Multi' cards: Bill Maher | Jeanine Pirro | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.