MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Im Not With Him | You Just Got Here | True Believer | Dont Like To Read | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Trump-Brand Hooker | Too Bad | Protect Heritage | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Russian Backchannel | Temporarily Detained | Dummy | Russian Meme Propagation --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Test Launch | Nazi Salute | Literally Insane Gun Owners | Ranting and Raving | Literal Media Blackout --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Flagrant Nepotism | Women-Only Screening | Priming the Pump | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Canada | Sweden | Iran | Trump Tower --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Pussy Hat | Electoral Map | Certified Letter | Secret Service Laptop --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Roger Stone | Andrew Napolitano | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon | Peter Schweizer --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Radical Moose Lamb | Rep | Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | President Bannon | Grand Dragon | Donald Trump Jr | Strongarm --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Freedom Caucus | John McCain | Reince Priebus | Rep Adrian Smith | Rex Tillerson --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Ted Lieu | Daylin Leach | Nevertheless She Persisted | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor | Pussy Grabs Back --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Unconstitutional | Flip | Leaking Like a Sieve | Health Code Violation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: ICE Raid | Tear Gas to the Nads | Infantile Tantrum | Take It Or Leave It | Statue of Nope --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | Negative Press Covfefe | New York Times | The Opposition Party | David Farenthold --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Switch Jobs | Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Do Your Job | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Modern Underground Railroad | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Intelligence Community | Sergey Kislyak | Bill Maher --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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