MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Ann Coulter | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Cancelled | Self-Fellate | Fake Battleground | Just Sign Right Here and Here --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Dont Like To Read | True Believer | Total Eclipse of the Derp --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Me First | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | On Many Sides | Ranting and Raving --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | Ineffective | Women-Only Screening | Miraculous Survival | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Wander Off | Astound | Ethics Violation | Super Secret Information | Weak Ass Defense --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Syria | White House | Trump Tower | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Tiki Torch | Secret Service Laptop | Town Hall Billboard | Stupid Plastic Button --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Sebastian Gorka | President Bannon | David Duke | Total Chaos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Obamacare Lite | Rep Darrell Issa | Rules Change | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Gloat | John Kerry | Rep Ted Lieu --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Call to War | Idiot | Alex Jones | Dmitry Rybolovlev --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Leaking Like a Sieve | Subversive White House Aide | CBO Score | Decline to Defend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Ariana Grande | JK Rowling | Kendall Jenner | Hollywood Elite --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Anti Defamation League | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Anderson Cooper | New York Times | Dan Rather | Kurt Eichenwald --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Wikileaks | Carter Page | Glenn Greenwald | Useful Idiot --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | Infantile Tantrum | Sheriff David Clarke | Another Kent State | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Tucker Carlson | Megan Kelly | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Bill Maher --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.