MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: White House Infomercial | Glacial Pace | Low Energy Sad | Russian Meme Propagation | Circular Fucking Logic --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Defiance | Protect Heritage | Pardon | Desperation Axe | Palantyrannic Ritual --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Total Eclipse of the Derp | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Disown | Proportional Response | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Cruise Missile | Test Launch | Asset Seizure | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | Women-Only Screening | Pooping Dog | False Flag Operation | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Sizzler | White House | Syria | Canada --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Certified Letter | Fine Tuned Machine | Golf Cart | Snap On Stealth Component | Presidential Bathrobe --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Not Quite Yet | Subpoena | Unconstitutional | Leaking Like a Sieve | Unreliable Secret Service --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Glenn Greenwald | Antifa --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | Shepard Smith | Ted Koppel | Fact Checking Chyron | Holy Shit Indeed --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Dick Cheney | Rep Steve King | Rep Adrian Smith | Frat Dreams | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Alex Jones | Call to War | Pretty Hate Machine | Deconstruction --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Grand Dragon | Eric Trump | Sebastian Gorka | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Do Your Job | Rep John Lewis | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Southern Poverty Law Center --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Gloat | Mike Godwin | Buyers Remorse | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Daylin Leach --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | JK Rowling | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Testify | Tear Gas to the Nads | ICE Raid | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Jared Kushner | Bill Maher | Bill OReilly | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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