MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Circular Fucking Logic | Easily Disproven Exaggeration | Russian Meme Propagation | Stephen Colbert --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Disown | Dont Like To Read | You Just Got Here | Liar | Time Out --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Overcook with Ketchup | Youre Fired | Body Slam | Irony in the Twitter Feed --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | Transparent Bluff | Self-Fellate | Too Bad | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Justin Joe Trudeau | Women-Only Screening | Pooping Dog | Hurricane Harvey --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Colorado | Bowling Green | Trump Tower | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Certified Letter | Hackable Voting Machines | Confederate Flag | Golf Cart --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Leaking Like a Sieve | Unconstitutional | CBO Score | Desperate Archivists --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Testify | Yuuuge Wall | Blue Lives Matter | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Statue of Nope --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Negative Press Covfefe | David Farenthold | Fact Checking Chyron | Washington Post --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Sen Elizabeth Warren | John Kerry | Susan Rice | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Oprah | Ready to Serve | Kendall Jenner | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Russian Photographer | Call to War | Andrew Napolitano | Fox Friends --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Useful Idiot | Glenn Greenwald | Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Ballistic | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Greg Gianforte | Rules Change | Rep Jason Chaffetz | Hide Intel --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | President Bannon | David Duke | Grab Em By the Pussy | Jason Kessler --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Sergey Kislyak | Jeanine Pirro | Intelligence Community | Tucker Carlson --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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