MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!

Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.

Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Protect Heritage | Ann Coulter | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Empty the Executive Library --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.

Other 'White' cards: Dont Like To Read | Predictable Blowback | Pope Francis | Firm Handshake | Parliamentary Rejection --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.

Other 'Green' cards: Punch a Nazi | Hurricane Harvey | Ineffective | Level of Viciousness | Priming the Pump --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.

Other 'Blue' cards: Super Secret Information | Integrity Appropriation | Dummy | Glacial Pace | Label --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.

Other 'Red' cards: Body Slam | Totally Different | Unleash the Butthurt | On Notice | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!

Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Iran | Canada | Comet Pizza | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!

Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Pussy Hat | Golf Cart | Milk Assumedly Whole Not 2 | Hackable Voting Machines --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!

Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Streisand Effect | Kendall Jenner | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!

Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | ICE Raid | Race the CBO Score | National Guard | DHS Secretary John Kelly --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.

Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Carter Page | Glenn Greenwald | Radical Moose Lamb | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!

Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | We All Hang Out | Anti Defamation League | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.

Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Recuse | Breitbart Centipede | Andrew Napolitano | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!

Other 'Republicans' cards: Freedom Caucus | Reince Priebus | Dick Cheney | For Profit Prison | Rex Tillerson --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter

Other 'Deplorables' cards: Grand Dragon | Donald Trump Jr | Wink Wink Nudge Nudge | Stormfront | Jason Kessler --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!

Other 'Media' cards: Dan Rather | Ted Koppel | Faux Presidential | Press Solidarity | Suck It Up Buttercup --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!

Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Susan Rice | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!

Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | CBO Score | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Unconstitutional | Not Quite Yet --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!

Other 'Multi' cards: Bill Maher | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Reality Leigh Winner | Jeanine Pirro | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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