MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Cuck | Ann Coulter | Defiance | Self-Fellate --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Integrity Appropriation | Misinterpreted | Russian Meme Propagation | Difficulty Recruiting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Total Eclipse of the Derp | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Firm Handshake | Widows Garb | Pope Francis --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Overcook with Ketchup | Nazi Salute --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Hide Behind Bushes | Higher Purpose | Justin Joe Trudeau | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Atlanta | Sizzler | Bowling Green | White House --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Chocolate Cake | Secret Service Laptop | Gen Flynns Party Yacht | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Dan Rather | Uncredible | Real-Time Fact Checking | Shepard Smith | Kurt Eichenwald --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Subpoena | Flip | Sally Yates | Not Quite Yet --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Oprah | Switch Jobs | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Nevertheless She Persisted | Susan Rice | Sen Chuck Schumer | Sen Al Franken --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Call to War | Breitbart Centipede | Disable Recording with Russians | Recuse --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Southern Poverty Law Center | Blinding Arrogance | Anne Frank Foundation | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Sen Jeff Sessions | John Boehner | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Betsy DeVos | Act of Mercy --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Radical Moose Lamb | Jill Fucking Stein | Michael Tracey | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | Reaccommodate | Blue Lives Matter | Preemptive Strike | Take It Or Leave It --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Sebastian Gorka | Milo Yiannopoulos | Technical Reversion | Lone Wolf --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Tucker Carlson | James Comey | Bring On Climate Change | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.