MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Misinterpreted | Difficulty Recruiting | Silence Media Outlet | Taking Care of Itself --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Pardon | Trump-Brand Hooker | Protect Heritage | Desperation Axe --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Overcook with Ketchup | Unleash the Butthurt | MOAB | Investigative Reporter --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Hurricane Harvey | LOL No | Freudian Slip | Ineffective | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Pope Francis | Angela Merkel | White House Fence | Disown | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Confederate Flag | Chocolate Cake | Basket of Deplorables | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Holocaust Center | Sweden | Colorado | Atlanta --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Susan Rice | A Day Without Women | Pussy Grabs Back --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Suck It Up Buttercup | Fact Checking Chyron | Negative Press Covfefe | Alexandra Petri | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: John McCain | Freedom Caucus | Rep Steve King | John Boehner | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Kate McKinnon | Kathy Griffin | Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Sebastian Gorka | Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | Jason Kessler | March 4 Trump --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Desperate Archivists | Office of Governmental Ethics | Fruitless Raid | CBO Score | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Preemptive Strike | New England Patriots | Bloodbath in Yemen | Reaccommodate --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Russian Photographer | Deconstruction | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Bill Mitchell --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Southern Poverty Law Center | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Indivisible | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Jill Stein Voter | Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Reality Leigh Winner | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.