MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Totally Different | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | MOAB | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | Integrity Appropriation | Wander Off | Extreme Vetting | Label --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Pope Francis | Predictable Blowback | You Just Got Here | True Believer | Angela Merkel --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Hurricane Harvey | Handcuffed Five Year Old | Jewish Klan Rally | Apologize --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Pardon | Ann Coulter | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Atlanta | Comet Pizza | Iran | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Electoral Map | Pussy Hat | Secret Service Laptop | Fine Tuned Machine | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Useful Idiot | Jill Fucking Stein | Jill Stein Voter | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | JK Rowling | Oprah | Kendall Jenner | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | Reaccommodate | Infantile Tantrum | Testify | Another Kent State --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Milo Yiannopoulos | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Dakota Access Pipeline | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Call to War | Fox Friends | Breitbart Centipede | Fake News --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Leaking Like a Sieve | Rogue NASA | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Sally Yates | Communications Lockdown --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Indivisible | Southern Poverty Law Center | Anti Defamation League | Modern Underground Railroad --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: John Boehner | Scott Pruitt | Frat Dreams | Hell No | There Is No Christie Only Reek --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Fact Checking Chyron | Uncredible | Washington Post | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Gloat | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor | Unclear on the Concept --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Reality Leigh Winner | Sergey Kislyak | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Bill Maher | Jared Kushner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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