MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | Cuck | Defiance | Ratings Bonanza | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Widows Garb | Nazi Needs a Punchin | Predictable Blowback | Disaffected Manufacturing Base | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Jewish Klan Rally | Hide Behind Bushes | Level of Viciousness | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Youre Fired | Body Slam | Me First | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | Thin Ice | Super Secret Information | Senatorial Rebuke | Medical Exam --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Mar-a-Lago | Iran | Bowling Green | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Golf Cart | Electoral Map | Town Hall Billboard --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Faux Presidential | Both Sides | David Farenthold | Ted Koppel | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | President Bannon | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Jason Kessler | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Wikileaks | Glenn Greenwald | Radical Moose Lamb | Jill Fucking Stein --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Infantile Tantrum | New England Patriots | Blue Lives Matter | Another Kent State --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Reince Priebus | Rex Tillerson | Rep Adrian Smith | Hell No | Scott Pruitt --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Unclear on the Concept | Sen Elizabeth Warren | A Day Without Women | Buyers Remorse --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Kellyanne Conway | Big Creepy Brother | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon | Roger Stone --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Oprah | Hollywood Elite | Emasculated | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Do Your Job | Indivisible | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Modern Underground Railroad --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Leaking Like a Sieve | CBO Score | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Person of Interest | Health Code Violation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Bring On Climate Change | Intelligence Community | Tucker Carlson | Megan Kelly | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.