MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | Level of Viciousness | Hurricane Harvey | Justin Joe Trudeau | Miraculous Survival --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Distress Call | Sid the Science Kid | Difficulty Recruiting | Fake Massacre --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | What a Crowd | Pardon | Protect Heritage | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Me First | Unleash the Butthurt | Youre Fired | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Im Not With Him | Liar | Mysterious Red Light --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Electoral Map | Golf Cart | Presidential Bathrobe | Caked-On Bronzer --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Sizzler | Holocaust Center | Bowling Green | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Glenn Greenwald | Useful Idiot | Carter Page | Michael Tracey --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Flip | Sally Yates | CBO Score | Leaking Like a Sieve | Health Code Violation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | President Bannon | Lone Wolf | Eric Trump | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: John McCain | Betsy DeVos | Rex Tillerson | Reince Priebus | For Profit Prison --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Anne Frank Foundation | Modern Underground Railroad | Indivisible | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Ariana Grande | Kathy Griffin | JK Rowling | Emasculated | Hollywood Elite --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Nevertheless She Persisted | John Kerry | Gloat | Rep Ted Lieu --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Infantile Tantrum | Statue of Nope | Pot Meet Kettle | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | The Opposition Party | Anderson Cooper | New York Times | Fact Checking Chyron --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Call to War | Roger Stone | Fake News | Recuse | Breitbart Centipede --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Jeanine Pirro | Bring On Climate Change | Notorious RBG | Rogue National Park Service --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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