MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Weak Ass Defense | Put Up or Shut Up | Interesting Omissions | Faceless Bureaucrat --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Protect Heritage | Transparent Bluff | Desperation Axe | Just Sign Right Here and Here --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Nazi Salute | Body Slam | On Many Sides | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Jewish Klan Rally | Hide Behind Bushes | LOL No | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Im Not With Him | You Just Got Here | Parliamentary Rejection | True Believer | Safe Space --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Colorado | Iran | Syria | Holocaust Center --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Golf Cart | Cheap Coke --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Useful Idiot | Carter Page | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Nevertheless She Persisted | Susan Rice | Paid Protestors | Pussy Grabs Back --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Yuuuge Wall | Sheriff David Clarke | ICE Raid | FBI Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Sebastian Gorka | Manufactured War | Grand Dragon | Milo Yiannopoulos | Nigel Farage --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Freedom Caucus | John Boehner | John McCain | Rep Adrian Smith | Sen Jeff Sessions --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Not Quite Yet | Subpoena | Immunity | CBO Score --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League | We All Hang Out | Modern Underground Railroad --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Faux Presidential | Ted Koppel | Suck It Up Buttercup | Both Sides | Kurt Eichenwald --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Pretty Hate Machine | Recuse | Fox Friends | Alex Jones --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kathy Griffin | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live | Kate McKinnon --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Reality Leigh Winner | Sergey Kislyak | Jared Kushner | Intelligence Community | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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