MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Ann Coulter | Im Not With Him | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Conspiracy Nut | Medical Exam | Revoke Visas | Difficulty Recruiting | Extreme Vetting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Women-Only Screening | Pooping Dog | Hurricane Harvey | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Test Launch | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Overcook with Ketchup | Totally Different | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Transparent Bluff | Fake Battleground | Too Bad | Desperation Axe --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Safe Space | Disown | Widows Garb | Firm Handshake --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Sizzler | Colorado | Iran | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Confederate Flag | Easter Bunny Costume | Dippin Dots | Milk Assumedly Whole Not 2 --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Mike Godwin | Unclear on the Concept | Gloat | Buyers Remorse --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | Alexandra Petri | Both Sides | The Opposition Party | David Farenthold --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Call to War | Alex Jones | Big Creepy Brother | Louise Mensch --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | New England Patriots | Sheriff David Clarke | Yuuuge Wall | Reaccommodate --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Not Quite Yet | Health Code Violation | Decline to Defend | Person of Interest --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | Sebastian Gorka | Milo Yiannopoulos | Manufactured War | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Useful Idiot | The Young Turks | Wikileaks | Michael Tracey --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: John Boehner | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Rules Change | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Southern Poverty Law Center | Blinding Arrogance | Do Your Job | Ballistic | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live | Kathy Griffin | Oprah | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Bill OReilly | Reality Leigh Winner | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Tucker Carlson | Sheriff Joe Arpaio --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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