MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Gene | Memify That Shit | Fascism Forever Club | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | White House Infomercial | Overturn Gerrymandering | Senatorial Rebuke | Distress Call --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: LOL No | Ineffective | Higher Purpose | Jewish Klan Rally | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Trump-Brand Hooker | Empty the Executive Library | Ann Coulter | Cuck --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Total Eclipse of the Derp | Pope Francis | Parliamentary Rejection | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | White House | Mar-a-Lago | Syria | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Fine Tuned Machine | Cheap Coke | Dippin Dots | Presidential Bathrobe --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Uncredible | David Farenthold | Press Solidarity | Snopes | Ted Koppel --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Russian Photographer | Call for Authoritarianism | Recuse | Louise Mensch --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Daylin Leach | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Rep Ted Lieu | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Take It Or Leave It | Testify | Bloodbath in Yemen | Tear Gas to the Nads | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | JK Rowling | Hollywood Elite | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Flip | Leaking Like a Sieve | Not Quite Yet | Sally Yates | Unreliable Secret Service --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Jill Stein Voter | Carter Page | Antifa | Michael Tracey | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Ballistic | Modern Underground Railroad | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Anne Frank Foundation | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rules Change | Rex Tillerson | Scott Pruitt | Greg Gianforte | But Her Emails --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Lone Wolf | Sebastian Gorka | David Duke | Total Chaos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Tucker Carlson | Notorious RBG | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.