MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | LOL No | Jewish Klan Rally | Justin Joe Trudeau | Freudian Slip --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | Requires Constant Care Feeding | White House Fence | Firm Handshake | No Not That One --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Test Launch | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Youre Fired | Overcook with Ketchup | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Protect Heritage | Palantyrannic Ritual | Fake Battleground | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Russian Backchannel | Ethics Violation | Extreme Vetting | Thin Ice | Is This a Good Bill --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Certified Letter | Tiki Torch | Fine Tuned Machine | Stupid Plastic Button | Light on an Unsecured Cellphone --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Iran | Sweden | Atlanta | Mar-a-Lago | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Grand Dragon | Lone Wolf | Sebastian Gorka | Nazi er Free Speech Rally --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Buyers Remorse | Nevertheless She Persisted | Susan Rice | Mike Godwin --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Not Quite Yet | Sally Yates | CBO Score | Rogue NASA | Preet Bharara --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance | Southern Poverty Law Center | Spirit of Coretta Scott King --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks | Michael Tracey | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Idiot | Roger Stone | Deconstruction | Gateway Pundit --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Blue Lives Matter | Hang Up | Take It Or Leave It | National Guard --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rex Tillerson | Frat Dreams | Obamacare Lite | Freedom Caucus | Rep Darrell Issa --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Negative Press Covfefe | Holy Shit Indeed | David Farenthold | Dan Rather | Press Solidarity --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Ready to Serve | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Ariana Grande | JK Rowling --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Bill OReilly | Bring On Climate Change --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.