MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Integrity Appropriation | Thin Ice | Russian Backchannel | White House Infomercial --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Hurricane Harvey | Freudian Slip | Level of Viciousness | Justin Joe Trudeau | Women-Only Screening --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Ratings Bonanza | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Too Bad | Dickishly Preferential Treatment --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Angela Merkel | Disown | Parliamentary Rejection | Compromised --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Youre Fired | On Many Sides | Unleash the Butthurt | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Secret Service Laptop | Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Confederate Flag --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Bowling Green | Holocaust Center | Trump Tower | White House | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Call to War | Prison Planet | Call for Authoritarianism | Dmitry Rybolovlev --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | National Guard | Yuuuge Wall | Testify | Hang Up --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Unreliable Secret Service | Rogue NASA | Unconstitutional | Army of Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Carter Page | Michael Tracey | Antifa | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Susan Rice | Gabby Giffords | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Yeah No --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Indivisible | Modern Underground Railroad | Blinding Arrogance | Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Rep Paul Ryan | Act of Mercy | Obamacare Lite | Frat Dreams | Rep Steve King --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Hollywood Elite | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kathy Griffin | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Suck It Up Buttercup | Shepard Smith | Faux Presidential | The Opposition Party | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Eric Trump | Grand Dragon | David Duke | Nigel Farage --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Jeanine Pirro | Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Reality Leigh Winner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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