MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Incite Violence | Test Launch | Ranting and Raving | Free Pass for Nazis --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Parliamentary Rejection | Angela Merkel | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Liar | Taxi Strike --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Flagrant Nepotism | Ineffective | Pooping Dog | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Too Bad | Cuck | Desperation Axe | Just Sign Right Here and Here --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Super Secret Information | Taking Care of Itself | Low Energy Sad | Russian Backchannel --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Snap On Stealth Component | Uranium | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Iran | Syria | Canada | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: David Duke | Lone Wolf | President Bannon | Friendly Reporter | Strongarm --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ariana Grande | Switch Jobs | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Sheriff David Clarke | Another Kent State | The CPB | ICE Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Glenn Greenwald | Radical Moose Lamb | The Young Turks | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Health Code Violation | Subpoena | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Rogue NASA | Army of Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Kurt Eichenwald | Suck It Up Buttercup | Ted Koppel | Snopes --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Call to War | Fox Friends | Prison Planet | Roger Stone --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Blinding Arrogance | Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | A Day Without Women | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Nevertheless She Persisted --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Dick Cheney | Frat Dreams | Ban the Press | John McCain | Obamacare Lite --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | James Comey | Bill Maher | Tucker Carlson --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.