MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Infantile Tantrum | Level of Viciousness | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Rep Darrell Issa | John Kerry --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Incite Violence | Gene | Hurt Fee-Fees --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Higher Purpose | Justin Joe Trudeau | Hide Behind Bushes | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Children Know | Firm Handshake | Early Warning | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Great Success | Empty the Executive Library | Worse than Hitler | Sacrifice Your iPhone | Just Sign Right Here and Here --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Misinterpreted | Russian Meme Propagation | Extreme Vetting | Senatorial Rebuke --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Sweden | Colorado | Syria | Canada --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Pee Pee Tape | Cheap Coke | Shit Sandwich | Secret Service Laptop | Lint Roller --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Eric Trump | March 4 Trump | Monday Night Massacre | Sebastian Gorka | Nigel Farage --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Sen Jeff Sessions | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rep Darrell Issa | Act of Mercy | There Is No Christie Only Reek --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Michael Tracey | The Young Turks | Glenn Greenwald | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Person of Interest | Preet Bharara | Unconstitutional | Immunity --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Louise Mensch | Roger Stone | Pretty Hate Machine | Fake News --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Holy Shit Indeed | Snopes | Washington Post | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Ballistic | Do Your Job | Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | We All Hang Out --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: New England Patriots | Another Kent State | Blue Lives Matter | FBI Raid | Bloodbath in Yemen --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Unclear on the Concept | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Susan Rice --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Ariana Grande | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Kate McKinnon | Kathy Griffin --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Bill OReilly | Bill Maher | The Real Story --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.