MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Im Not With Him | Predictable Blowback | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Pope Francis --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Justin Joe Trudeau | LOL No | Women-Only Screening | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Super Secret Information | Dummy | Astound | Marginalize | Conspiracy Nut --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Pardon | Protect Heritage | Ratings Bonanza | Just Sign Right Here and Here --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Unleash the Butthurt | On Many Sides | Body Slam | Test Launch | Overcook with Ketchup --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Colorado | Atlanta | Syria | White House --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Tiki Torch | Pussy Hat | Certified Letter | Snap On Stealth Component | Chocolate Cake --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Betsy DeVos | Sen Jeff Sessions | Dick Cheney | Rep Devin Nunes | There Is No Christie Only Reek --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Flip | Subversive White House Aide | CBO Score | Rogue NASA | Temporary Stay --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Ariana Grande | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Hollywood Elite | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Do Your Job | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Sebastian Gorka | Jason Kessler | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Lone Wolf | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Fact Checking Chyron | Kurt Eichenwald | Shepard Smith | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | Hang Up | Yuuuge Wall | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Bloodbath in Yemen --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Andrew Napolitano | Fake News | Repeal and Replace | Idiot --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Gloat | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | John Kerry | Rep Ted Lieu --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Glenn Greenwald | Useful Idiot | Susan Sarandon | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Bill Maher | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.