MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Dummy | Integrity Appropriation | Russian Backchannel | Circular Fucking Logic | Put Up or Shut Up --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | On Many Sides | Totally Different | Literal Media Blackout | Mens Rights Activists --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Punch a Nazi | LOL No | Higher Purpose | Hide Behind Bushes | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Protect Heritage | Empty the Executive Library | Defiance | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Predictable Blowback | Safe Space | Firm Handshake | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Confederate Flag | Golf Cart | Easter Bunny Costume | U | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Mar-a-Lago | Syria | White House | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Holy Shit Indeed | Ted Koppel | Negative Press Covfefe | Press Solidarity --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Andrew Napolitano | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Kellyanne Conway | Call for Authoritarianism --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Leaking Like a Sieve | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Sally Yates | Rogue NASA | Army of Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Grand Dragon | Donald Trump Jr | President Bannon | David Duke --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | Infantile Tantrum | The CPB | Blue Lives Matter | Yuuuge Wall --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Indivisible | Anti Defamation League | Anne Frank Foundation | Do Your Job | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Antifa | Rep | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Hollywood Elite | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Rules Change | Mike Pence | Rep Adrian Smith | Sen Jeff Sessions | Greg Gianforte --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Sen Chuck Schumer | Susan Rice --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Jared Kushner | Sergey Kislyak | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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