MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Infantile Tantrum | True Believer | Level of Viciousness | Ariana Grande | Kathy Griffin --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Hide Behind Bushes | Level of Viciousness | Higher Purpose | Ineffective | Priming the Pump --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Lord Buckethead | Worse than Hitler | Brain Surgery | Paul Manafort | Desperation Axe --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Russian Meme Propagation | Super Secret Information | Difficulty Recruiting | Circular Fucking Logic --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: No Not That One | Children Know | True Believer | Firm Handshake | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Test Launch | Body Slam --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sweden | Canada | Atlanta | Iran | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Golf Cart | Fine Tuned Machine | Town Hall Billboard | Confederate Flag --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | Nuclear Holocaust | General Michael Flynn | Sebastian Gorka | David Duke --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rep Raul Labrador | John Boehner | Sen Jeff Sessions | Rules Change | Freedom Caucus --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Gloat | Daylin Leach | Paid Protestors --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Streisand Effect | Ariana Grande --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Race the CBO Score | Bloodbath in Yemen | Pot Meet Kettle | ICE Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter | Michael Tracey | Rep | Useful Idiot --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: We All Hang Out | Do Your Job | Ballistic | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Negative Press Covfefe | Faux Presidential | Ted Koppel | Snopes | Washington Post --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Preet Bharara | CBO Score | Person of Interest | Flip | Communications Lockdown --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Alex Jones | Andrew Napolitano | Call to War | Louise Mensch | Pretty Hate Machine --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Notorious RBG | Jeanine Pirro | Sean Spicer Professional Liar | Rachel Maddow --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.