MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Integrity Appropriation | Misinterpreted | Distress Call | Interesting Omissions --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Disown | Predictable Blowback | Just Lingered Outside | Firm Handshake --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | Freudian Slip | Higher Purpose | Women-Only Screening | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Ann Coulter | Dickishly Preferential Treatment | Defiance | Protect Heritage --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Nazi Salute | Test Launch | Youre Fired | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Me First --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Tiki Torch | Secret Service Laptop | Certified Letter | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Holocaust Center | Syria | Canada | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Kathy Griffin | Kendall Jenner | Emasculated | Ariana Grande --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Dick Cheney | Greg Gianforte | John McCain | John Boehner --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Subversive White House Aide | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | CBO Score | Preet Bharara --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Testify | Another Kent State | Take It Or Leave It | FBI Raid | National Guard --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Breitbart Centipede | Andrew Napolitano | Big Creepy Brother | Recuse --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | A Day Without Women | Unclear on the Concept | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance | Indivisible | Anti Defamation League --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Jill Fucking Stein | Carter Page | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Real-Time Fact Checking | Fact Checking Chyron | The Opposition Party | Uncredible | Negative Press Covfefe --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Jason Kessler | Eric Trump | Sebastian Gorka | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Notorious RBG | Jeanine Pirro | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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