MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Snowflake | Senatorial Rebuke | Alternate Facts | Extreme Vetting | Difficulty Recruiting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Cuck | Pardon | Fake Battleground | Ann Coulter | In The Dark --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Im Not With Him | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Pope Francis | Angela Merkel --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Punch a Nazi | Women-Only Screening | Ineffective | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Nazi Salute | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Totally Different | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Bowling Green | Mar-a-Lago | Canada | Colorado | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Electoral Map | Secret Service Laptop | Town Hall Billboard | Lint Roller --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Sen Elizabeth Warren | A Day Without Women | Paid Protestors | Unclear on the Concept --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Blinding Arrogance | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Do Your Job | Modern Underground Railroad --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | David Duke | Fire and Fury | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Rage Furby --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Ready to Serve | Streisand Effect | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | The CPB | Bloodbath in Yemen | Testify | Reaccommodate --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Betsy DeVos | Freedom Caucus | Greg Gianforte | Rep Adrian Smith | Sarah Huckabee Sanders --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Dan Rather | Snopes | Real-Time Fact Checking | Suck It Up Buttercup | Negative Press Covfefe --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Alex Jones | Pretty Hate Machine | Call to War | He Who Smelt It Dealt It --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Radical Moose Lamb | Michael Tracey | Glenn Greenwald | The Young Turks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Flip | Unconstitutional | CBO Score --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Bill OReilly | Reality Leigh Winner | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Notorious RBG | Bring On Climate Change --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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