MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Im Not With Him | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: True Believer | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Im Not With Him | Pope Francis | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Defiance | Transparent Bluff | Too Bad | Empty the Executive Library | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Hurricane Harvey | LOL No | Higher Purpose | Doctor Feelgood --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Unleash the Butthurt | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Habitual Liar | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Coverup | Easily Disproven Exaggeration | Astound | Marginalize | Weak Ass Defense --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | White House | Syria | Colorado | Canada --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Certified Letter | Fine Tuned Machine | Shit Sandwich | Confederate Flag --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Faux Presidential | Uncredible | Shepard Smith | New York Times | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kendall Jenner | Ready to Serve | JK Rowling | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Do Your Job | Modern Underground Railroad | Ballistic | Anti Defamation League --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Andrew Napolitano | Louise Mensch | Pretty Hate Machine | Kellyanne Conway | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr | Milo Yiannopoulos | David Duke | Stormfront --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Flip | Not Quite Yet | Subpoena | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Leaking Like a Sieve --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: New England Patriots | FBI Raid | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Race the CBO Score | Bloodbath in Yemen --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Mike Godwin | Daylin Leach | Pussy Grabs Back | Yeah No --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: John McCain | Rules Change | Greg Gianforte | Rep Raul Labrador | Scott Pruitt --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: The Young Turks | Radical Moose Lamb | Useful Idiot | Antifa | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Bill OReilly | Bill Maher --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.