MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: What a Crowd | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ratings Bonanza | Protect Heritage | Dickishly Preferential Treatment | Cancelled | Defiance --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Women-Only Screening | Miraculous Survival | Priming the Pump | Pooping Dog --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Predictable Blowback | Parliamentary Rejection | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | True Believer | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Super Secret Information | Integrity Appropriation | Completely Safe | Glacial Pace | Taking Care of Itself --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Youre Fired | Test Launch | Body Slam --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Gen Flynns Party Yacht | Pussy Hat | Fine Tuned Machine | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Sweden | Atlanta | Sizzler | Trump Tower --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Both Sides | Alexandra Petri | Press Solidarity | Uncredible | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Emasculated | Oprah --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Unconstitutional | Leaking Like a Sieve | Immunity | Preet Bharara --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Recuse | Roger Stone | Breitbart Centipede | Fox Friends | Call for Authoritarianism --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | David Duke | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Stephen Miller | Grand Dragon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: There Is No Christie Only Reek | Betsy DeVos | Sen Jeff Sessions | Mike Pence | Greg Gianforte --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Yeah No | Susan Rice | Sen Al Franken --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Reaccommodate | Hang Up | Blue Lives Matter | Sheriff David Clarke --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Wikileaks | Carter Page | Jill Fucking Stein | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Ballistic | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Modern Underground Railroad | Indivisible --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Reality Leigh Winner | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.