MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Hurricane Harvey | Flagrant Nepotism | Level of Viciousness | Spirit of Mary Jane --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Dont Like To Read | You Just Got Here | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Disown | Liar --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Misinterpreted | Integrity Appropriation | Internet Hoax | Dummy --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Trump-Brand Hooker | Defiance | Cuck | Lord Buckethead --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Totally Different | Tiebreaker | Chicago Inner City Voters --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Pussy Hat | Secret Service Laptop | Chocolate Cake | Caked-On Bronzer --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Bowling Green | Colorado | Canada | Atlanta --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Washington Post | Both Sides | Negative Press Covfefe | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fox Friends | Alex Jones | Call to War | David Seaman | Bill Mitchell --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Rep | Wikileaks | Useful Idiot | The Young Turks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Saturday Night Live | Ready to Serve | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | JK Rowling --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Subversive White House Aide | Unconstitutional | Not Quite Yet | Preet Bharara --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Indivisible | Anti Defamation League | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | National Guard | Preemptive Strike | FBI Raid | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Frat Dreams | Sen Jeff Sessions | Scott Pruitt | Rules Change | Rex Tillerson --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Sebastian Gorka | Donald Trump Jr | Grab Em By the Pussy --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | Susan Rice | Mike Godwin | Buyers Remorse | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Bill Maher | Notorious RBG | Sergey Kislyak | Megan Kelly | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.