MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Ann Coulter | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Felix Sater --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Counseled | Astound | Negotiate in Secrecy | Label --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Flagrant Nepotism | Ineffective | Freudian Slip | Pooping Dog | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Too Bad | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Desperation Axe | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Me First | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | On Many Sides | Totally Different | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Predictable Blowback | Dont Like To Read | Firm Handshake | White House Fence | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Confederate Flag | Certified Letter | Chocolate Cake | Caked-On Bronzer | Uranium --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Colorado | Bowling Green | Sweden | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Desperate Archivists | Immunity | Army of Lawyers | Temporary Stay --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Rep Steve King | Rep Raul Labrador | Mike Pence | John McCain --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: DHS Secretary John Kelly | Infantile Tantrum | Tear Gas to the Nads | Reaccommodate | Pot Meet Kettle --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Roger Stone | Alex Jones | Andrew Napolitano | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League | Modern Underground Railroad | Do Your Job | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Gloat | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Susan Rice | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Lone Wolf | President Bannon | Eric Trump --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks | The Young Turks | Rep | Useful Idiot --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: David Farenthold | Dan Rather | Negative Press Covfefe | Suck It Up Buttercup | Press Solidarity --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | Ariana Grande | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Reality Leigh Winner | Jeanine Pirro | Jared Kushner | Bring On Climate Change --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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