MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Predictable Blowback | You Just Got Here | White House Fence | True Believer --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Super Secret Information | Astound | Thin Ice | Revoke Visas --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Hurricane Harvey | Level of Viciousness | Justin Joe Trudeau | Pooping Dog | Hide Behind Bushes --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Ratings Bonanza | Self-Fellate | Defiance | Fake Battleground | Ann Coulter --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Unleash the Butthurt | Body Slam | Overcook with Ketchup | Cruise Missile --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Pussy Hat | Town Hall Billboard | Electoral Map | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Trump Tower | Comet Pizza | Canada | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Michael Tracey | Carter Page | Radical Moose Lamb | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Gloat | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Donald Trump Jr | David Duke | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Real-Time Fact Checking | Kurt Eichenwald | Negative Press Covfefe | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Kellyanne Conway | Big Creepy Brother | Idiot | Andrew Napolitano --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anti Defamation League | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Infantile Tantrum | ICE Raid | FBI Raid | Statue of Nope | Take It Or Leave It --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Saturday Night Live | Kathy Griffin | Ariana Grande | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: There Is No Christie Only Reek | Mike Pence | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rep Adrian Smith | Rep Darrell Issa --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Not Quite Yet | Sally Yates | CBO Score | Temporary Stay | Unconstitutional --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Reality Leigh Winner | Bill OReilly | Tucker Carlson | Bill Maher | Jared Kushner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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