MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Fake Battleground | Trump-Brand Hooker | Self-Fellate | Cuck | Dickishly Preferential Treatment --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Extreme Vetting | Ethics Violation | Easily Disproven Exaggeration | Astound --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | MOAB | Nazi Salute | Body Slam | Memify That Shit --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | Hurricane Harvey | Justin Joe Trudeau | Jewish Klan Rally | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Liar | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | White House Fence | You Just Got Here | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Certified Letter | Caked-On Bronzer | Basket of Deplorables | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Trump Tower | Syria | Sizzler | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Roger Stone | Andrew Napolitano | Idiot | Deconstruction --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Sebastian Gorka | President Bannon | Donald Trump Jr | Jason Kessler | Eric Trump --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Rep | Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | John Kerry | Paid Protestors | Susan Rice | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: DHS Secretary John Kelly | Blue Lives Matter | Testify | Statue of Nope | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | JK Rowling | Ariana Grande | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Emasculated --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Holy Shit Indeed | Shepard Smith | Washington Post | Snopes | Real-Time Fact Checking --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Health Code Violation | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Army of Lawyers | Temporary Stay --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Freedom Caucus | Scott Pruitt | Ban the Press | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | We All Hang Out | Anti Defamation League | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Bring On Climate Change | Bill Maher | Notorious RBG | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Jared Kushner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.