MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!

Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!



Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.

Other 'Red' cards: Nazi Salute | On Many Sides | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Totally Different --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!


The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.

Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Dummy | Integrity Appropriation | Misinterpreted | Wander Off --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!


Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.

Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | Empty the Executive Library | What a Crowd | Protect Heritage | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!


It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.

Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | LOL No | Hide Behind Bushes | Pooping Dog | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!


White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.

Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Widows Garb | You Just Got Here | Firm Handshake | Early Warning --> Click Here to see more White cards!!


Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!

Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | White House | Sweden | Colorado | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!


The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!

Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Tiki Torch | Secret Service Laptop | Pussy Hat | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!

Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Southern Poverty Law Center | Do Your Job | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!

Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Hang Up | Preemptive Strike | Race the CBO Score | FBI Raid | National Guard --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!


Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.

Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Fox Friends | Andrew Napolitano | Alex Jones | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!


The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!

Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Unconstitutional | Immunity | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Subpoena --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!

Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | Faux Presidential | Dan Rather | Alexandra Petri | Uncredible --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.

Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Radical Moose Lamb | Rep | The Young Turks | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!

Other 'Republicans' cards: Rex Tillerson | John Boehner | Freedom Caucus | Frat Dreams | Rules Change --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!


Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!

Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!


Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!

Other 'Democrats' cards: Susan Rice | John Kerry | Mike Godwin | A Day Without Women | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!


The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter

Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Sebastian Gorka | Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | Rage Furby --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!

Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Tucker Carlson | Jared Kushner | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.