MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | On Many Sides | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Pope Francis | Firm Handshake | Safe Space --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Hurricane Harvey | Flagrant Nepotism | Hide Behind Bushes | LOL No | Jewish Klan Rally --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Thin Ice | Taking Care of Itself | Astound | Conspiracy Nut | Completely Safe --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Palantyrannic Ritual | Too Bad | Protect Heritage | What a Crowd | Ann Coulter --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Holocaust Center | Sweden | White House | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Certified Letter | Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Chocolate Cake --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Gloat | Font of Embarrassment | Paid Protestors | Ivankas Petty Neighbor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Andrew Napolitano | Roger Stone | Russian Photographer | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Eric Trump | David Duke | Grand Dragon | Nuclear Holocaust --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | New England Patriots | Reaccommodate | Yuuuge Wall | Take It Or Leave It --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Dick Cheney | Ban the Press | Rep Darrell Issa | Frat Dreams | Rep Devin Nunes --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Rogue NASA | Flip | Subpoena | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | The Opposition Party | Suck It Up Buttercup | Uncredible | Shepard Smith --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | Anne Frank Foundation | Modern Underground Railroad | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Radical Moose Lamb | Useful Idiot | Rep | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Ariana Grande | Kathy Griffin | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Tucker Carlson | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | James Comey --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.