MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Body Slam | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Overcook with Ketchup | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Super Secret Information | Dummy | Silence Media Outlet | Interesting Omissions | Negotiate in Secrecy --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Im Not With Him | Safe Space | Firm Handshake | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Palantyrannic Ritual | Dickishly Preferential Treatment | Just Sign Right Here and Here | What a Crowd --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | Freudian Slip | Hide Behind Bushes | Level of Viciousness | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Trump Tower | Sweden | Canada | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Fine Tuned Machine | Chocolate Cake | Electoral Map | Easter Bunny Costume --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Blue Lives Matter | Another Kent State | Race the CBO Score | Preemptive Strike --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Kathy Griffin --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Frat Dreams | Rep Darrell Issa | Rep Adrian Smith | Sen Mitch McConnell | Freedom Caucus --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Grand Dragon | David Duke | Milo Yiannopoulos | Sebastian Gorka | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Modern Underground Railroad | Do Your Job | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Temporary Stay | Communications Lockdown | Sally Yates | Office of Governmental Ethics --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Fake News | Andrew Napolitano | Idiot | David Seaman --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter | Jill Fucking Stein | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Suck It Up Buttercup | Shepard Smith | Holy Shit Indeed | Real-Time Fact Checking --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Daylin Leach | Rep Nancy Pelosi | A Day Without Women | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Bill OReilly | Notorious RBG | Bring On Climate Change | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.