MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Transparent Bluff | Palantyrannic Ritual | Defiance | Fake Battleground --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Is This a Good Bill | Weak Ass Defense | Glacial Pace | Astound --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Youre Fired | Test Launch | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Nazi Salute --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Punch a Nazi | LOL No | Jewish Klan Rally | Freudian Slip | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | White House Fence | Widows Garb | Predictable Blowback | Disown --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Sweden | Colorado | Bowling Green | White House --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Electoral Map | Shit Sandwich | Light on an Unsecured Cellphone | Golf Cart --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | John Boehner | Frat Dreams | White House Council | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Rep | Radical Moose Lamb | Jill Fucking Stein | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Faux Presidential | New York Times | Suck It Up Buttercup | Press Solidarity | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Fake News | Dmitry Rybolovlev | Peter Schweizer | Call for Authoritarianism --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Nevertheless She Persisted | Sen Chuck Schumer | Unclear on the Concept | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Do Your Job | We All Hang Out | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Indivisible | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Grand Dragon | Nuclear Holocaust | David Duke | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Health Code Violation | Not Quite Yet | Desperate Archivists | Thorough Refutation | Rogue NASA --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Preemptive Strike | New England Patriots | Another Kent State | Race the CBO Score --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live | Hollywood Elite | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Bring On Climate Change | Reality Leigh Winner | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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