MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Gene | Nazi Salute | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Fascism Forever Club --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Defiance | Ann Coulter | Ratings Bonanza | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Hide Behind Bushes | LOL No | Jewish Klan Rally | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Weak Ass Defense | Super Secret Information | Silence Media Outlet | Thin Ice --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Widows Garb | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Parliamentary Rejection | Predictable Blowback | Just Lingered Outside --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Tiki Torch | Chocolate Cake | Easter Bunny Costume | Snap On Stealth Component --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Trump Tower | Atlanta | Comet Pizza | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Obamacare Lite | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Sen Rand Paul | Perks of Membership --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Subpoena | Rogue NASA | CBO Score | Unreliable Secret Service --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: New England Patriots | Statue of Nope | Another Kent State | Tear Gas to the Nads | The CPB --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Louise Mensch | David Seaman | Call to War | Fake News --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Susan Rice | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Buyers Remorse | Mike Godwin | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Do Your Job | Modern Underground Railroad | Anne Frank Foundation | Indivisible --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | David Farenthold | Alexandra Petri | Negative Press Covfefe | Fact Checking Chyron --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Useful Idiot | Jill Stein Voter | Glenn Greenwald | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Lone Wolf | Jason Kessler | Eric Trump | David Duke --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Ariana Grande | Kendall Jenner | JK Rowling | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak | Notorious RBG | Bring On Climate Change | Larry Flynt --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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