MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ratings Bonanza | Defiance | Pardon | Dickishly Preferential Treatment | Empty the Executive Library --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | Sid the Science Kid | Taking Care of Itself | Conspiracy Nut | Difficulty Recruiting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | Justin Joe Trudeau | Tiny Hands | Jewish Klan Rally | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Gene | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Total Eclipse of the Derp | Angela Merkel | Dont Like To Read | True Believer | You Just Got Here --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Tiki Torch | Hackable Voting Machines | Tape | Pussy Hat | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Canada | White House | Colorado | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | Yeah No | Paid Protestors | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kate McKinnon --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | President Bannon | Fake Racists | David Duke | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Louise Mensch | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Recuse | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Do Your Job | Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Betsy DeVos | John McCain | Reince Priebus | Rep Steve King | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Tear Gas to the Nads | Blue Lives Matter | New England Patriots | Infantile Tantrum --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Jill Stein Voter | Glenn Greenwald | Carter Page | Wikileaks | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: The Opposition Party | Dan Rather | Kurt Eichenwald | Alexandra Petri | Holy Shit Indeed --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Unconstitutional | Leaking Like a Sieve | Person of Interest | Thorough Refutation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Intelligence Community | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Sergey Kislyak | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.