MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: What a Crowd | Im Not With Him | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Self-Fellate | Empty the Executive Library | Defiance | Transparent Bluff --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | Ineffective | Higher Purpose | Women-Only Screening | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Predictable Blowback | Parliamentary Rejection | True Believer | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: The Fuckin Mooch | Body Slam | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Youre Fired | Black Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Fake Massacre | Circular Fucking Logic | Alternate Facts | White House Infomercial | Difficulty Recruiting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Pussy Hat | Easter Bunny Costume | Fine Tuned Machine | Chocolate Cake --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Holocaust Center | White House | Atlanta | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | Susan Rice | Mike Godwin | Democratic Slumber Party | Yeah No --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | President Bannon | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | CBO Score | Person of Interest | Flip | Not Quite Yet --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Fox Friends | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Peter Schweizer | Call to War --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Testify | Sheriff David Clarke | National Guard | Race the CBO Score | DHS Secretary John Kelly --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Glenn Greenwald | Jill Stein Voter | Carter Page | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Uncredible | Shepard Smith | Holy Shit Indeed | Anderson Cooper | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Betsy DeVos | Freedom Caucus | Dick Cheney | Scott Pruitt | Sen Jeff Sessions --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ariana Grande | Oprah | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Ballistic | Anne Frank Foundation | Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Jeanine Pirro | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.