MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Im Not With Him | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Total Eclipse of the Derp | Pope Francis | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Proportional Response | Disown --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: On Many Sides | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Abandoned by Your Party | Incite Violence --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Protect Heritage | Fake Battleground | Ann Coulter | Cuck | Cancelled --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | White House Infomercial | Easily Disproven Exaggeration | Counseled | Wander Off --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | LOL No | Hurricane Harvey | Hide Behind Bushes | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Sizzler | Comet Pizza | Sweden | Bowling Green --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Confederate Flag | Golf Cart | Secret Service Laptop | Caked-On Bronzer | Basket of Deplorables --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Nevertheless She Persisted | Gloat | Font of Embarrassment | Buyers Remorse --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Mike Pence | Rep Adrian Smith | Sen Jeff Sessions | Betsy DeVos --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | Not Quite Yet | Unconstitutional | Health Code Violation | Flip --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Glenn Greenwald | Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Carter Page --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Press Solidarity | Both Sides | Washington Post | Dan Rather | Fact Checking Chyron --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Hang Up | New England Patriots | Race the CBO Score | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Yuuuge Wall --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | We All Hang Out | Indivisible | Blinding Arrogance | Southern Poverty Law Center --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Disable Recording with Russians | Alex Jones | Big Creepy Brother | Breitbart Centipede --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Grand Dragon | Donald Trump Jr | Lone Wolf | You Like Me I Like You --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ready to Serve | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Bill OReilly | Jared Kushner | Reality Leigh Winner | Megan Kelly | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.