MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Level of Viciousness | Freudian Slip | Justin Joe Trudeau | Jewish Klan Rally --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Low Energy Sad | Dummy | Thin Ice | Completely Safe --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Palantyrannic Ritual | Too Bad | Trump-Brand Hooker | Protect Heritage | Self-Fellate --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Firm Handshake | Widows Garb | Predictable Blowback | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Parliamentary Rejection --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: MOAB | On Many Sides | Chicago Inner City Voters | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Literal Media Blackout --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Canada | Trump Tower | Sizzler | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Confederate Flag | Pussy Hat | Golf Cart | Uranium | Crane Sign --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Anti Defamation League | Blinding Arrogance | Ballistic | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Streisand Effect | Ready to Serve | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Kurt Eichenwald | Press Solidarity | Snopes | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fox Friends | Alex Jones | Roger Stone | Bill Mitchell | Gateway Pundit --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | President Bannon | Breitbart | Fire and Fury | Milo Yiannopoulos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Sally Yates | Rogue NASA | Army of Lawyers | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Infantile Tantrum | Sheriff David Clarke | Another Kent State | Preemptive Strike | National Guard --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Reince Priebus | Freedom Caucus | Rep Raul Labrador | Betsy DeVos | Rules Change --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Useful Idiot | Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Susan Sarandon | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Gabby Giffords | Sen Chuck Schumer | Nevertheless She Persisted | Mayor Sadiq Khan --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sergey Kislyak | Reality Leigh Winner | Bill Maher | Bring On Climate Change | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.