MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: LOL No | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Transparent Bluff | Too Bad | Trump-Brand Hooker | Palantyrannic Ritual --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Staring into the Void | Medical Exam | Low Energy Sad | Completely Safe --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Disown | You Just Got Here | Predictable Blowback | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Bargain Bin the Underperformers --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Level of Viciousness | Justin Joe Trudeau | Hide Behind Bushes | Hurricane Harvey --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Unleash the Butthurt | Overcook with Ketchup | Nazi Salute | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Iran | Canada | Sizzler | Colorado | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Tiki Torch | Fine Tuned Machine | Pussy Hat | Cheap Coke | Light on an Unsecured Cellphone --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Alexandra Petri | Holy Shit Indeed | Shepard Smith | Kurt Eichenwald | Fact Checking Chyron --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | New England Patriots | Infantile Tantrum | ICE Raid | FBI Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subversive White House Aide | CBO Score | Flip | Leaking Like a Sieve | Temporary Stay --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | We All Hang Out | Southern Poverty Law Center | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Emasculated | Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Andrew Napolitano | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Breitbart Centipede | Recuse | Fake News --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | Milo Yiannopoulos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Jill Stein Voter | Antifa | Wikileaks | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Gloat | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Daylin Leach | Sen Elizabeth Warren --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Greg Gianforte | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rules Change | Hide Intel --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Tucker Carlson | Notorious RBG | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Jared Kushner | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.