MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Trump-Brand Hooker | Lord Buckethead | Ratings Bonanza | Empty the Executive Library | Ann Coulter --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | Jewish Klan Rally | Hide Behind Bushes | Women-Only Screening | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Parliamentary Rejection | Proportional Response | Dont Like To Read | Firm Handshake --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Body Slam | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Nazi Salute | Overcook with Ketchup --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Super Secret Information | Astound | Ethics Violation | Label --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Pussy Hat | Secret Service Laptop | Dippin Dots | Tape --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Sweden | White House | Bowling Green | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | National Guard | ICE Raid | Pot Meet Kettle | Sheriff David Clarke --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | Rogue NASA | Leaking Like a Sieve | Not Quite Yet | Rogue Health Agency --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rex Tillerson | Scott Pruitt | Betsy DeVos | John Boehner | Sen Jeff Sessions --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Holy Shit Indeed | David Farenthold | Dan Rather | Both Sides | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter | Michael Tracey | Jill Fucking Stein | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Southern Poverty Law Center | Anti Defamation League | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | Lone Wolf | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Emasculated --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Fake News | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon | Disable Recording with Russians | Dmitry Rybolovlev --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Susan Rice | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Democratic Slumber Party | Mike Godwin --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Tucker Carlson | Bill Maher | Jeanine Pirro | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.