MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Trump-Brand Hooker | Palantyrannic Ritual | Self-Fellate | Transparent Bluff | Brain Surgery --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Punch a Nazi | Higher Purpose | Freudian Slip | Hide Behind Bushes | Priming the Pump --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: True Believer | Dont Like To Read | Predictable Blowback | Time Out | Pope Francis --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Russian Backchannel | Difficulty Recruiting | Senatorial Rebuke | Astound | Low Energy Sad --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | On Many Sides | Youre Fired | Nazi Salute | Habitual Liar --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Canada | Syria | Atlanta | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Confederate Flag | Pussy Hat | Chocolate Cake | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Donald Trump Jr | President Bannon | Fire and Fury | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Ballistic | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Indivisible | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor | Rep Ted Lieu | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Unclear on the Concept --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live | Hollywood Elite | Kate McKinnon | Kathy Griffin --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Fake News | Dmitry Rybolovlev | Deconstruction | Fox Friends --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Both Sides | Suck It Up Buttercup | David Farenthold | Washington Post | Kurt Eichenwald --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Immunity | Rogue Health Agency | Decline to Defend | Flip --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Mike Pence | Greg Gianforte | Rex Tillerson | Sen Jeff Sessions --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | The CPB | Take It Or Leave It | Bloodbath in Yemen | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Useful Idiot | Wikileaks | The Young Turks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sergey Kislyak | Notorious RBG | Reality Leigh Winner | Bring On Climate Change | Ted Nugent --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.