MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Parliamentary Rejection | Valentines Day --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Higher Purpose | Freudian Slip | Justin Joe Trudeau | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Staring into the Void | Super Secret Information | Senatorial Rebuke | Russian Backchannel | Counseled --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Overcook with Ketchup | Test Launch | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | MOAB --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Cuck | Palantyrannic Ritual | Empty the Executive Library | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Trump-Brand Hooker --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Tiki Torch | Golf Cart | Lint Roller | Basket of Deplorables --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Mar-a-Lago | Bowling Green | Sizzler | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Kathy Griffin | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | JK Rowling | Meryl Streep --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Breitbart Centipede | Louise Mensch | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Kellyanne Conway --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Blinding Arrogance | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Southern Poverty Law Center | Anti Defamation League --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Yeah No | Font of Embarrassment | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Ivankas Petty Neighbor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter | Carter Page --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subversive White House Aide | CBO Score | Flip | Subpoena | Sally Yates --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Faux Presidential | Both Sides | Washington Post | Holy Shit Indeed | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | ICE Raid | Bloodbath in Yemen | Race the CBO Score | The CPB --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: There Is No Christie Only Reek | Rex Tillerson | Mike Pence | Rep Devin Nunes | Greg Gianforte --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Grand Dragon | Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Bill Maher | Tucker Carlson | Notorious RBG | Megan Kelly --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.