MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Ann Coulter | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Angela Merkel | Requires Constant Care Feeding | True Believer | White House Correspondent --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Wander Off | Thin Ice | Misinterpreted | Taking Care of Itself | The ACLU --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ann Coulter | Empty the Executive Library | Pardon | What a Crowd | Desperation Axe --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Higher Purpose | Pooping Dog | Hurricane Harvey | Level of Viciousness | Women-Only Screening --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Youre Fired | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Gene | Me First | Black Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Secret Service Laptop | Confederate Flag | Town Hall Billboard | Electoral Map --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Colorado | Trump Tower | Atlanta | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Gloat | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Susan Rice | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | A Day Without Women --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | Take It Or Leave It | National Guard | Blue Lives Matter | Testify --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Sen Jeff Sessions | Reince Priebus | Betsy DeVos | Rep Steve King | Obamacare Lite --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Call to War | Breitbart Centipede | Kellyanne Conway | David Seaman --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ballistic | Indivisible --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Kathy Griffin | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Subversive White House Aide | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Unconstitutional | Subpoena --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Useful Idiot | Michael Tracey | Rep | Carter Page --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Grand Dragon | Nuclear Holocaust --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Both Sides | Snopes | New York Times | Holy Shit Indeed | Faux Presidential --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Megan Kelly | Reality Leigh Winner | Jared Kushner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.