MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Jared Kushner | Carter Page | Holocaust Center | Ethics Violation | Marginalize --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Just Lingered Outside | Angela Merkel | Pope Francis | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | God Damned American Heroes --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Marginalize | Low Energy Sad | Taking Care of Itself | Super Secret Information --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Youre Fired | Totally Different | Gene | Cruise Missile | Tweetstorm --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Flagrant Nepotism | Ineffective | Hamilton | Toby --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Brain Surgery | Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS | Bashar al-Assad | Brazen Evidenceless Accusation | In The Dark --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Canada | Sweden | Bowling Green | Atlanta | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Gen Flynns Party Yacht | Fine Tuned Machine | Caked-On Bronzer | Milk Assumedly Whole Not 2 --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fox Friends | Pretty Hate Machine | Fake News | Peter Schweizer | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: March 4 Trump | Sebastian Gorka | Grab Em By the Pussy | Fake Racists | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Jill Stein Voter | Rep | Useful Idiot | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Fact Checking Chyron | Shepard Smith | Faux Presidential | Snopes | Uncredible --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Preet Bharara | Unconstitutional | Temporary Stay | Office of Governmental Ethics | Immunity --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | New England Patriots | ICE Raid | Sheriff David Clarke | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Do Your Job | We All Hang Out | Southern Poverty Law Center --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Frat Dreams | There Is No Christie Only Reek | John McCain | Scott Pruitt | Hell No --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Saturday Night Live | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Ready to Serve | Kate McKinnon --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Gloat | Nevertheless She Persisted | Rep Nancy Pelosi | Sen Chuck Schumer | Rep Ted Lieu --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Bill OReilly | Notorious RBG | Bill Maher | Ivanka --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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