MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Overcook with Ketchup | On Many Sides | The Fuckin Mooch | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Women-Only Screening | Pooping Dog | LOL No | Justin Joe Trudeau | Social Media Savvy Witches --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Dont Like To Read | Requires Constant Care Feeding | State Attorney General | Liar --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | Do Over | Weak Ass Defense | Circular Fucking Logic | Misinterpreted --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Empty the Executive Library | Protect Heritage | What a Crowd | Ann Coulter --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Chocolate Cake | Fine Tuned Machine | Golf Cart | Certified Letter --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Sweden | Comet Pizza | Colorado | Holocaust Center | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Kendall Jenner | Ariana Grande | Emasculated | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Ivankas Petty Neighbor | A Day Without Women | John Kerry | Sen Chuck Schumer | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Negative Press Covfefe | Holy Shit Indeed | Kurt Eichenwald | Fact Checking Chyron | Washington Post --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | Infantile Tantrum | The CPB | Testify | Pot Meet Kettle --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Subversive White House Aide | Not Quite Yet | Person of Interest | Desperate Archivists --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Roger Stone | Gateway Pundit | Deconstruction | Kellyanne Conway --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Mike Pence | Betsy DeVos | John McCain | Rep Adrian Smith | Freedom Caucus --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Southern Poverty Law Center | Indivisible | We All Hang Out --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | David Duke | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Sebastian Gorka | Lone Wolf --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jeanine Pirro | Intelligence Community | Sergey Kislyak | Jared Kushner | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.