MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!

Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!



White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.

Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Pope Francis | Im Not With Him | Proportional Response | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!


Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.

Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Gene | Youre Fired | Body Slam | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!


The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.

Other 'Blue' cards: Integrity Appropriation | Snowflake | Medical Exam | Stephen Colbert | Misinterpreted --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!


It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.

Other 'Green' cards: Hurricane Harvey | Level of Viciousness | Women-Only Screening | Pooping Dog | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!


Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.

Other 'Black' cards: Fake Battleground | Self-Fellate | Ratings Bonanza | Too Bad | Dickishly Preferential Treatment --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!


The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!

Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Secret Service Laptop | Confederate Flag | Chocolate Cake | Fine Tuned Machine --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!


Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!

Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Sizzler | Comet Pizza | Canada | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.

Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Jill Fucking Stein | Rep | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!

Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Modern Underground Railroad | Do Your Job | Southern Poverty Law Center | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!


The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter

Other 'Deplorables' cards: Jason Kessler | Grand Dragon | Milo Yiannopoulos | Nuclear Holocaust | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!


Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.

Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Pretty Hate Machine | Kellyanne Conway | Gateway Pundit | Prison Planet --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!

Other 'Republicans' cards: Obamacare Lite | John McCain | Sen Jeff Sessions | Rex Tillerson | Scott Pruitt --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!


The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!

Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Office of Governmental Ethics | Health Code Violation | Rogue NASA | Fruitless Raid --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!


Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!

Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Gloat | Susan Rice | Nevertheless She Persisted | Font of Embarrassment --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!


Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!

Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | JK Rowling | Emasculated | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!

Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: ICE Raid | National Guard | Statue of Nope | Yuuuge Wall | Infantile Tantrum --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!

Other 'Media' cards: Press Solidarity | Snopes | David Farenthold | Faux Presidential | Suck It Up Buttercup --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!

Other 'Multi' cards: Tucker Carlson | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Sergey Kislyak | Bill Maher | Intelligence Community --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.