MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | Im Not With Him | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Im Not With Him | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Pope Francis | True Believer | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Punch a Nazi | Hide Behind Bushes | Ineffective | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Russian Backchannel | Faceless Bureaucrat | Distress Call | Integrity Appropriation --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Trump-Brand Hooker | Empty the Executive Library | Defiance | Ratings Bonanza | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Nazi Salute | On Many Sides | Literal Media Blackout | Youre Fired | On Notice --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Gen Flynns Party Yacht | Certified Letter | Fine Tuned Machine | Caked-On Bronzer --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Holocaust Center | Bowling Green | Atlanta | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Hollywood Elite | Ariana Grande | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Democratic Slumber Party | Susan Rice | Rep Ted Lieu | Mike Godwin | A Day Without Women --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | New England Patriots | Testify | Statue of Nope | Reaccommodate --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Donald Trump Jr | President Bannon | Fire and Fury | Jason Kessler --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | Modern Underground Railroad | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Fake News | Breitbart Centipede | Louise Mensch | Big Creepy Brother --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Sen Jeff Sessions | Rules Change | Frat Dreams | Scott Pruitt --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Fact Checking Chyron | Suck It Up Buttercup | Anderson Cooper | The Opposition Party | Holy Shit Indeed --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: CBO Score | Unconstitutional | Subpoena | Desperate Archivists | Fruitless Raid --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Sergey Kislyak | Bring On Climate Change | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Notorious RBG | James Comey --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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