MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Medical Exam | Fake Massacre | Extreme Vetting | Integrity Appropriation | Put Up or Shut Up --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Ann Coulter | Too Bad | Fake Battleground | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: LOL No | Flagrant Nepotism | Women-Only Screening | Level of Viciousness | Hurricane Harvey --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Nazi Salute | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Body Slam | On Many Sides | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Dont Like To Read | You Just Got Here | Firm Handshake | Pope Francis | Under Investigation --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Fine Tuned Machine | Pussy Hat | Electoral Map | Chocolate Cake --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Sizzler | Sweden | White House | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Anderson Cooper | New York Times | David Farenthold | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: FBI Raid | Testify | The CPB | Take It Or Leave It | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Pussy Grabs Back | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Yeah No | John Kerry --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | JK Rowling | Kathy Griffin | Kate McKinnon | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: David Duke | Donald Trump Jr | Jason Kessler | Some Light Treason | Stormfront --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Obamacare Lite | John McCain | Mike Pence | Rep Paul Ryan | Sarah Huckabee Sanders --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | Not Quite Yet | Fruitless Raid | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Unconstitutional --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Roger Stone | Louise Mensch | Fox Friends | Gateway Pundit --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Wikileaks | Glenn Greenwald | Michael Tracey | Useful Idiot --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Indivisible | Southern Poverty Law Center | Anti Defamation League | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Reality Leigh Winner | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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