MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: On Many Sides | Test Launch | Body Slam | Unleash the Butthurt | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Ratings Bonanza | Ann Coulter | Desperation Axe | Cuck | Fake Battleground --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Firm Handshake | Total Eclipse of the Derp | White House Fence | Proportional Response | Fuck You Im Kiteboarding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Super Secret Information | Astound | Misinterpreted | Revoke Visas --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Hurricane Harvey | Ineffective | George Clooney | Emergency Pro Bono Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Iran | Colorado | Sizzler | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Fine Tuned Machine | Confederate Flag | Tiki Torch | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Daylin Leach | Mike Godwin | Pussy Grabs Back | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Sally Yates | Temporary Stay | Not Quite Yet | Rogue Health Agency --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Jill Stein Voter | Useful Idiot | Glenn Greenwald | Rep --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: The Opposition Party | Snopes | Both Sides | Faux Presidential | Negative Press Covfefe --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Alex Jones | Pretty Hate Machine | Louise Mensch | Recuse | Idiot --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Freedom Caucus | John Boehner | Rep Steve King | Betsy DeVos | John McCain --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Grand Dragon | Fire and Fury | Rage Furby | You Like Me I Like You | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Infantile Tantrum | The CPB | Tear Gas to the Nads | DHS Secretary John Kelly | Yuuuge Wall --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Ready to Serve | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Streisand Effect | JK Rowling | Hollywood Elite --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Jeanine Pirro | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Marshal of the Supreme Court | James Comey | Bill OReilly --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.