MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: On Many Sides | Youre Fired | Overcook with Ketchup | Body Slam | Test Launch --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Empty the Executive Library | Ratings Bonanza | Dickishly Preferential Treatment --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Justin Joe Trudeau | Ineffective | Pooping Dog | Jewish Klan Rally --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Firm Handshake | Predictable Blowback | True Believer | Proportional Response | Parliamentary Rejection --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Super Secret Information | Extreme Vetting | Astound | Revoke Visas | White House Infomercial --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Atlanta | Sizzler | Canada | Trump Tower --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Tiki Torch | Crane Sign | Chocolate Cake | Tape --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Testify | New England Patriots | Hang Up | FBI Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Fire and Fury | Jason Kessler | Grab Em By the Pussy | Rage Furby --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Kendall Jenner | Oprah | Ready to Serve | Emasculated --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Useful Idiot | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rules Change | Obamacare Lite | Rep Steve King | Betsy DeVos --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Real-Time Fact Checking | Ted Koppel | Uncredible | Negative Press Covfefe | Fact Checking Chyron --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Anne Frank Foundation | Ballistic | Modern Underground Railroad | Indivisible --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Mayor Sadiq Khan | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Paid Protestors | Unclear on the Concept | Pussy Grabs Back --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Sally Yates | Rogue NASA | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | CBO Score --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Fox Friends | Bill Mitchell | Big Creepy Brother | Prison Planet --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Reality Leigh Winner | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Bill Maher | Sergey Kislyak | Notorious RBG --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.