MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | On Many Sides | Test Launch | Totally Different | Gene --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | Level of Viciousness | Pooping Dog | Women-Only Screening | Higher Purpose --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Misinterpreted | Thin Ice | Senatorial Rebuke | Low Energy Sad --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Too Bad | Self-Fellate | What a Crowd | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Ann Coulter --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Predictable Blowback | Safe Space | Pope Francis | Proportional Response | Disown --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Confederate Flag | Secret Service Laptop | Easter Bunny Costume | Tiki Torch | Gen Flynns Party Yacht --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | White House | Colorado | Bowling Green | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Rogue NASA | Decline to Defend | Thorough Refutation | Leaking Like a Sieve --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Ariana Grande | Emasculated | Kendall Jenner | Meryl Streep | JK Rowling --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Grand Dragon | Donald Trump Jr | Lone Wolf | Jason Kessler | President Bannon --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Modern Underground Railroad | Anti Defamation League | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Fake News | Russian Photographer | Gateway Pundit | Bill Mitchell --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | John McCain | John Boehner | Dick Cheney | CPAC --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Michael Tracey | The Young Turks | Antifa | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Preemptive Strike | Blue Lives Matter | FBI Raid | Sheriff David Clarke --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Sen Chuck Schumer | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Fact Checking Chyron | Negative Press Covfefe | Real-Time Fact Checking | The Opposition Party | Snopes --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Bill OReilly | Jeanine Pirro | Jared Kushner | Bill Maher --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.