MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Me First | Nazi Salute | Test Launch | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | What a Crowd | Palantyrannic Ritual | Defiance | Transparent Bluff --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Distress Call | Thin Ice | Wander Off | Fake Massacre --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Freudian Slip | Hide Behind Bushes | LOL No | Hurricane Harvey | Justin Joe Trudeau --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: White House Fence | Firm Handshake | Predictable Blowback | Im Not With Him | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sweden | Holocaust Center | Trump Tower | White House | Sizzler --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Confederate Flag | Fine Tuned Machine | Pussy Hat | Golf Cart --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: David Duke | Donald Trump Jr | Grab Em By the Pussy | Sebastian Gorka | Monday Night Massacre --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Preemptive Strike | National Guard | Infantile Tantrum | The CPB | Reaccommodate --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Scott Pruitt | Betsy DeVos | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rep Adrian Smith | John McCain --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Leaking Like a Sieve | Sally Yates | Army of Lawyers --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance | Indivisible | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Alexandra Petri | Press Solidarity | Suck It Up Buttercup | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Recuse | Alex Jones | Gateway Pundit | Pretty Hate Machine --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | John Kerry | Yeah No | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Useful Idiot | Susan Sarandon | Antifa | Jill Fucking Stein --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kendall Jenner | JK Rowling | Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: James Comey | Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Intelligence Community | Sergey Kislyak | Reality Leigh Winner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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