MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Eric Trump | Infantile Tantrum | Liar | True Believer | Reince Priebus --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Cuck | Trump-Brand Hooker | Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS | Brain Surgery | Worse than Hitler --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Higher Purpose | Miraculous Survival | False Flag Operation | Ineffective --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Thin Ice | Misinterpreted | Difficulty Recruiting | Stephen Colbert | Conspiracy Nut --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Just Lingered Outside | Pope Francis | Compromised | No Not That One | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Totally Different | Incite Violence | Body Slam --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Secret Service Laptop | Golf Cart | U | Light on an Unsecured Cellphone --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sizzler | Colorado | Trump Tower | Canada | Syria --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Wikileaks | Rep | Glenn Greenwald | Jill Stein Voter | Jill Fucking Stein --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Nevertheless She Persisted | John Kerry | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Unclear on the Concept | Yeah No --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Anderson Cooper | Snopes | Shepard Smith | Faux Presidential --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Pretty Hate Machine | Recuse | Louise Mensch | Breitbart Centipede | Bill Mitchell --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Office of Governmental Ethics | Desperate Archivists | Decline to Defend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | JK Rowling | Ariana Grande | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Act of Mercy | Rules Change | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Sen Jeff Sessions | Dick Cheney --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: National Guard | Testify | New England Patriots | Race the CBO Score | Statue of Nope --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Eric Trump | General Michael Flynn | President Bannon | Dakota Access Pipeline | Fake Racists --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Indivisible | Ballistic | We All Hang Out --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Bring On Climate Change | James Comey | Bill Maher | 4Chan --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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