MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Ratings Bonanza | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Too Bad | Self-Fellate | Trump-Brand Hooker | Empty the Executive Library --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | True Believer | Im Not With Him | Dont Like To Read | Disown --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Flagrant Nepotism | Hurricane Harvey | Pooping Dog | Hide Behind Bushes | Standing Rock Tribe --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Revoke Visas | Coverup | Snowflake | Do Over --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Unleash the Butthurt | Body Slam | Overcook with Ketchup | Youre Fired --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Mar-a-Lago | Holocaust Center | Colorado | Comet Pizza | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Easter Bunny Costume | Electoral Map | Tiki Torch | Pussy Hat | Dippin Dots --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Modern Underground Railroad | Blinding Arrogance | Anne Frank Foundation | Southern Poverty Law Center | Ballistic --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | Emasculated | JK Rowling | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Gloat | John Kerry | Democratic Slumber Party --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Jill Fucking Stein | The Young Turks | Jill Stein Voter | Radical Moose Lamb | Michael Tracey --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Peter Schweizer | Recuse | Disable Recording with Russians | Andrew Napolitano --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Ban the Press | Betsy DeVos | John McCain | John Boehner | Newt Gingrich --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Faux Presidential | Ted Koppel | The Opposition Party | Uncredible --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | Reaccommodate | Infantile Tantrum | Preemptive Strike | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | President Bannon | David Duke | Milo Yiannopoulos | Total Chaos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Health Code Violation | Sally Yates | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Desperate Archivists --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Bill OReilly | Notorious RBG | James Comey | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Ted Nugent --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
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Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.