MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Gene | Youre Fired | Test Launch | Overcook with Ketchup | Me First --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Pardon | Transparent Bluff | Cuck | Too Bad --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | You Just Got Here | Widows Garb | Proportional Response | Requires Constant Care Feeding --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Astound | Integrity Appropriation | Distress Call | Interesting Omissions --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Punch a Nazi | Ineffective | Women-Only Screening | Hurricane Harvey --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pee Pee Tape | Electoral Map | Tiki Torch | Dippin Dots | Festivus Pole --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Syria | Bowling Green | Holocaust Center | Colorado | Iran --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: JK Rowling | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ariana Grande | Streisand Effect | Kathy Griffin --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Lone Wolf | Grand Dragon | Dakota Access Pipeline | Rage Furby --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Michael Tracey | Radical Moose Lamb | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Not Quite Yet | Subpoena | CBO Score | Decline to Defend | Sally Yates --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | John Kerry | Gabby Giffords | Gloat | Susan Rice --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Anti Defamation League | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Mike Pence | Reince Priebus | Rep Adrian Smith | John McCain | Hide Intel --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Andrew Napolitano | Breitbart Centipede | Louise Mensch | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale | Big Creepy Brother --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Fact Checking Chyron | The Opposition Party | New York Times | Both Sides | Washington Post --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Infantile Tantrum | National Guard | Preemptive Strike | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Reality Leigh Winner | Tucker Carlson | Megan Kelly | Bill OReilly | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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