MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | On Many Sides --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: True Believer | White House Fence | Dont Like To Read | Angela Merkel | Proportional Response --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Youre Fired | Body Slam | Totally Different | Test Launch --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: What a Crowd | Defiance | Too Bad | Trump-Brand Hooker | Self-Fellate --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Ethics Violation | Russian Backchannel | Misinterpreted | Staring into the Void | Wander Off --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Freudian Slip | Higher Purpose | Women-Only Screening | Level of Viciousness --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Tiki Torch | Easter Bunny Costume | Town Hall Billboard | Certified Letter --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Atlanta | Iran | Comet Pizza | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Leaking Like a Sieve | Person of Interest | Communications Lockdown | CBO Score | Thorough Refutation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Donald Trump Jr | Jason Kessler | Lone Wolf | Technical Reversion --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Testify | New England Patriots | Infantile Tantrum | FBI Raid | The CPB --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Mike Pence | Freedom Caucus | Ban the Press | Frat Dreams | Betsy DeVos --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Dan Rather | Alexandra Petri | Real-Time Fact Checking | Faux Presidential | David Farenthold --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anti Defamation League | Blinding Arrogance | Modern Underground Railroad | Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Radical Moose Lamb | Wikileaks | The Young Turks | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Russian Photographer | Alex Jones | Roger Stone | Pretty Hate Machine | Dmitry Rybolovlev --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Saturday Night Live | Kathy Griffin | Ready to Serve | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Gloat | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Democratic Slumber Party | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Marshal of the Supreme Court | Tucker Carlson | James Comey | Sergey Kislyak | Jeanine Pirro --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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