MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Protect Heritage | Fake Battleground | Too Bad | Ratings Bonanza | What a Crowd --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Russian Backchannel | Dummy | Wander Off | Weak Ass Defense | Completely Safe --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Dont Like To Read | White House Fence | Liar | Widows Garb | Early Warning --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: On Many Sides | Body Slam | Gene | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Test Launch --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Pooping Dog | Justin Joe Trudeau | Higher Purpose | Freudian Slip | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Tiki Torch | Golf Cart | Secret Service Laptop | Certified Letter | Caked-On Bronzer --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Comet Pizza | Sizzler | Trump Tower | Canada | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Not Quite Yet | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Flip | Rogue NASA | Health Code Violation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Testify | FBI Raid | Bloodbath in Yemen | Hang Up | DHS Secretary John Kelly --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Switch Jobs | Ariana Grande | Saturday Night Live | Kendall Jenner --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Michael Tracey | Rep | Jill Stein Voter | Radical Moose Lamb | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: There Is No Christie Only Reek | Rex Tillerson | Freedom Caucus | John McCain | Rules Change --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Donald Trump Jr | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Grand Dragon | Fake Racists --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Ted Koppel | Negative Press Covfefe | Holy Shit Indeed | Washington Post | Dan Rather --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | John Kerry | Rep Ted Lieu | Rep Nancy Pelosi --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Big Creepy Brother | Breitbart Centipede | Kellyanne Conway | Ghoulish Assbackwards Rationale --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: We All Hang Out | Ballistic | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Blinding Arrogance | Southern Poverty Law Center --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Bring On Climate Change | James Comey | Jeanine Pirro | Notorious RBG | The Real Story --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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