MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Eric Trump | Level of Viciousness | Testify | On The Job Training --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Empty the Executive Library | Desperation Axe | Trump-Brand Hooker | Paul Manafort | Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Extreme Vetting | Super Secret Information | Thin Ice | Ethics Violation | Low Energy Sad --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Test Launch | Totally Different | Youre Fired | Body Slam --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Fuck You Im Kiteboarding | Children Know | Angela Merkel | Liar | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | Freudian Slip | False Flag Operation | Hide Behind Bushes | Miraculous Survival --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Secret Service Laptop | Electoral Map | Chocolate Cake | Stupid Plastic Button --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Sweden | Canada | Bowling Green | Colorado | White House --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Alex Jones | Pretty Hate Machine | Breitbart Centipede | Russian Photographer | Recuse --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Holy Shit Indeed | Faux Presidential | Anderson Cooper | Press Solidarity | Shepard Smith --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Flip | Person of Interest | Communications Lockdown | Thorough Refutation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Infantile Tantrum | Race the CBO Score | Blue Lives Matter | Take It Or Leave It --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance | Indivisible | Southern Poverty Law Center | Modern Underground Railroad --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Radical Moose Lamb | Rep | Glenn Greenwald | Wikileaks | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: President Bannon | March 4 Trump | Eric Trump | Nigel Farage | Stephen Miller --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Ariana Grande | Kathy Griffin | Oprah | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Betsy DeVos | Frat Dreams | Rules Change | John Boehner | Mike Pence --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Nevertheless She Persisted | Unclear on the Concept | Sen Elizabeth Warren | George Soros Secret Pussyhat Donor --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Ben Carson Brain Surgeon | Intelligence Community | Bill OReilly | Notorious RBG | James Comey --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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