MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Marshal of the Supreme Court | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: LOL No | Jewish Klan Rally | Justin Joe Trudeau | Ineffective | Miraculous Survival --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Dummy | Astound | Silence Media Outlet | Completely Safe | Snowflake --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Pardon | Too Bad | Just Sign Right Here and Here | Fake Battleground | Empty the Executive Library --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: True Believer | Safe Space | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Proportional Response | Total Eclipse of the Derp --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Overcook with Ketchup | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Narcissistic Cabinet Meeting | Literally Insane Gun Owners | Investigative Reporter --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Trump Tower | Atlanta | Comet Pizza | Canada --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Easter Bunny Costume | Certified Letter | Golf Cart | Cheap Coke --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Roger Stone | Russian Photographer | Andrew Napolitano | Call to War | Fox Friends --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Rep | Antifa | Glenn Greenwald | Susan Sarandon | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Oprah | Meryl Streep | Hollywood Elite | Emasculated | Streisand Effect --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: John Boehner | Obamacare Lite | Greg Gianforte | Freedom Caucus | John McCain --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: Susan Rice | Gloat | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Nevertheless She Persisted | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Anderson Cooper | Negative Press Covfefe | Alexandra Petri | New York Times | The Opposition Party --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | FBI Raid | Statue of Nope | Tear Gas to the Nads | ICE Raid --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | Ballistic | Anne Frank Foundation | Do Your Job --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Subpoena | Subversive White House Aide | Health Code Violation | Sally Yates | Temporary Stay --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: David Duke | Jason Kessler | Milo Yiannopoulos | Some Light Treason | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Jared Kushner | Bill Maher | Hillary Clinton --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.