MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: What a Crowd | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Body Slam | Mar-a-Lago Waitstaff | Overcook with Ketchup | Totally Different | Unleash the Butthurt --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Women-Only Screening | Freudian Slip | Pooping Dog | LOL No --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | True Believer | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Predictable Blowback --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Self-Fellate | Trump-Brand Hooker | Too Bad | Fake Battleground | Ratings Bonanza --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Astound | Misinterpreted | Super Secret Information | Thin Ice | Wander Off --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Colorado | Sizzler | Canada | Trump Tower | White House --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Golf Cart | Confederate Flag | Uranium | Lint Roller | Presidential Bathrobe --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Susan Rice | Mike Godwin | Rep Kirsten Gillibrand | Buyers Remorse | Sen Al Franken --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: The Opposition Party | Alexandra Petri | Fact Checking Chyron | New York Times | Kurt Eichenwald --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Louise Mensch | Russian Photographer | Fake News | Kellyanne Conway | He Who Smelt It Dealt It --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Rogue NASA | Leaking Like a Sieve | Temporary Stay | Immunity | Subpoena --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Donald Trump Jr | Grand Dragon | Manufactured War | Fire and Fury | Monday Night Massacre --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Southern Poverty Law Center | Modern Underground Railroad | Anne Frank Foundation --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Kathy Griffin | Saturday Night Live | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Hollywood Elite --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Infantile Tantrum | Another Kent State | ICE Raid | New England Patriots --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rex Tillerson | Mike Pence | Scott Pruitt | Rep Steve King --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Glenn Greenwald | Rep | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | Susan Sarandon --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Jared Kushner | Notorious RBG | Bill Maher | Jeanine Pirro | Tucker Carlson --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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