MAGA: the Blathering
An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This
MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.
Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.
Other 'Black' cards: Palantyrannic Ritual | Ratings Bonanza | Fake Battleground | Cancelled | Cuck --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!
It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.
Other 'Green' cards: Justin Joe Trudeau | Ineffective | Hurricane Harvey | Higher Purpose | Women-Only Screening --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!
White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.
Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Disown | Liar | Mysterious Red Light --> Click Here to see more White cards!!
The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.
Other 'Blue' cards: Difficulty Recruiting | Russian Backchannel | Faceless Bureaucrat | Snowflake | Ethics Violation --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!
Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.
Other 'Red' cards: Gene | Overcook with Ketchup | Unleash the Butthurt | Black Lives Matter | Totally Different --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!
Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!
Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Bowling Green | Syria | Comet Pizza | Colorado --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!
The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!
Other 'Artifact' cards: Secret Service Laptop | Pussy Hat | Tiki Torch | Confederate Flag | Caked-On Bronzer --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!
The Republican Establishment
Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!
Other 'Republicans' cards: Rep Raul Labrador | There Is No Christie Only Reek | Ban the Press | Perks of Membership | Rep Devin Nunes --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!
The Antiestablishment Left
The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.
Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Glenn Greenwald | Antifa | The Young Turks | Jill Stein Voter --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!
Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.
Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Fake News | Russian Photographer | He Who Smelt It Dealt It | Deconstruction | Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!
Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!
Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Southern Poverty Law Center | Blinding Arrogance | Ballistic | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!
The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter
Other 'Deplorables' cards: Fire and Fury | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | David Duke | President Bannon | Jason Kessler --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!
Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!
Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Take It Or Leave It | Tear Gas to the Nads | Yuuuge Wall | New England Patriots | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!
Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!
Other 'Media' cards: Snopes | Dan Rather | Washington Post | Holy Shit Indeed | David Farenthold --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!
Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!
Other 'Celebrities' cards: Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Hollywood Elite | Ready to Serve | Switch Jobs | Saturday Night Live --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!
The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!
Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend | Flip | Sally Yates | Office of Governmental Ethics | Thorough Refutation --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!
Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!
Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Susan Rice | Nevertheless She Persisted | Unclear on the Concept | Rep Ted Lieu --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!
Multicolor (3+ Colors)
These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!
Other 'Multi' cards: Sheriff Joe Arpaio | Intelligence Community | The Real Story | Megan Kelly | Bill Maher --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!
Front Page |
Antiestablishment (B/G) |
Armed Authorities (R/U) |
Bureaucrats (U/W) |
Celebrities (B/G) |
Democrats (W/G) |
Deplorables (R/B) |
Media (R/W) |
Minorities (G/R) |
MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.