MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Im Not With Him | On Many Sides | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Misinterpreted | Dummy | Wander Off | Thin Ice | Internet Hoax --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Lord Buckethead | Cuck | Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS | Self-Fellate | Pardon --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Jewish Klan Rally | LOL No | Hurricane Harvey | Tiny Hands | Social Media Savvy Witches --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Overcook with Ketchup | Test Launch | Youre Fired | MOAB --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Firm Handshake | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Parliamentary Rejection | True Believer | Widows Garb --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pussy Hat | Certified Letter | Electoral Map | Confederate Flag | Chocolate Cake --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Holocaust Center | Atlanta | Comet Pizza | Syria --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Spirit of Coretta Scott King | Indivisible | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Ballistic | Blinding Arrogance --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | Kendall Jenner | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ready to Serve | Switch Jobs --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Dick Cheney | Sarah Huckabee Sanders | Rex Tillerson | Rep Raul Labrador | Reince Priebus --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Reaccommodate | Race the CBO Score | Hang Up | Blue Lives Matter | Preemptive Strike --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Carter Page | Michael Tracey | Rep | Jill Stein Voter | Antifa --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: The Opposition Party | Suck It Up Buttercup | Faux Presidential | New York Times | Press Solidarity --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Unconstitutional | Sally Yates | Subpoena | Person of Interest | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Mike Godwin | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Paid Protestors | Rep Nancy Pelosi | Pussy Grabs Back --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Grand Dragon | Eric Trump | Milo Yiannopoulos | Lone Wolf | Fire and Fury --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Recuse | Louise Mensch | Idiot | Call to War | Roger Stone --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Intelligence Community | Tucker Carlson | Reality Leigh Winner | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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