MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court | On Many Sides | Im Not With Him --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!

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Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Glacial Pace | Fake Massacre | Internet Hoax | Counseled | Conspiracy Nut --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Protect Heritage | Too Bad | Trump-Brand Hooker | What a Crowd | Self-Fellate --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: Pope Francis | You Just Got Here | Dont Like To Read | Im Not With Him | Liar --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Level of Viciousness | Jewish Klan Rally | Justin Joe Trudeau | Hurricane Harvey | Massive Voter Fraud --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Nazi Salute | Unleash the Butthurt | On Many Sides | Body Slam --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Holocaust Center | Comet Pizza | Sizzler | Canada | Sweden --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Fine Tuned Machine | Easter Bunny Costume | Electoral Map | Chocolate Cake | Uranium --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Blue Lives Matter | FBI Raid | National Guard | Infantile Tantrum | Yuuuge Wall --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: SatanistGlobalist Halftime Show | JK Rowling | Hollywood Elite | Faye Dunaway Warren Beatty | Ready to Serve --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Jill Stein Voter | Wikileaks | The Young Turks | Glenn Greenwald --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Frat Dreams | Scott Pruitt | Mike Pence | Freedom Caucus | Ban the Press --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Rep John Lewis | Blinding Arrogance | Anti Defamation League | Ghost of Frederick Douglass | Southern Poverty Law Center --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: Lone Wolf | Donald Trump Jr | Nazi er Free Speech Rally | Jason Kessler | Sebastian Gorka --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: New York Times | Kurt Eichenwald | Shepard Smith | The Opposition Party | Both Sides --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Robert Kennedy Antivaxer Loon | Andrew Napolitano | Deconstruction | Bill Mitchell | Recuse --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Sally Yates | Rogue NASA | Not Quite Yet | Unreliable Secret Service | Horrible No-Good Very Bad Weekend --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: Sen Elizabeth Warren | Gloat | Ivankas Petty Neighbor | Democratic Slumber Party | Nevertheless She Persisted --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | James Comey | Bill OReilly | Sergey Kislyak | Bring On Climate Change --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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