MAGA: the Blathering

An attempt to chronicle the ongoing decline of the American experiment at the hands of Orange Julius. This MAGA: the Blathering is a parody site based on Magic: the Gathering but has no affiliation with Hasbro or Wizards of the Coast, who own that property. For this reason, no, I'm not going to print and sell these cards, because I don't want to give their lawyers a good reason to poop the party.

Latest Additions!



Other brand new cards: Safe Space | On Many Sides | Ratings Bonanza | Donald Trump Jr | Marshal of the Supreme Court --> Click Here to see the most recently added cards!!
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Red

Chaos! Damage! The Press! Deplorable assholes!.



Other 'Red' cards: Totally Different | Youre Fired | Big Boy Tonka Photo Op | Body Slam | Memify That Shit --> Click Here to see more Red cards!!

Blue

The part of government in the shadows, including both the bureaucratic ability to slow things down and the conspiracy theories that treat it with suspicion.



Other 'Blue' cards: Marginalize | Faceless Bureaucrat | Wander Off | Is This a Good Bill | Difficulty Recruiting --> Click Here to see more Blue cards!!

White

White is the home of the Establishment, the part of Washington that doesn't like to rock the boat.



Other 'White' cards: You Just Got Here | Requires Constant Care Feeding | Predictable Blowback | Exceptionally Shitty Turnout | Dont Like To Read --> Click Here to see more White cards!!

Black

Whether it's evil, stupidity, or terrible Smiths covers, black is the color of people in general being shitty to one another.



Other 'Black' cards: Fake Battleground | Pardon | Ann Coulter | Protect Heritage | Self-Fellate --> Click Here to see more Black cards!!

Green

It's all about the left, be it minorities, dirty hippies or establishment democrats. Also, lots of the Mary Jane, if you know what I mean.



Other 'Green' cards: Ineffective | Punch a Nazi | Hide Behind Bushes | Miraculous Survival | Flagrant Nepotism --> Click Here to see more Green cards!!

Land

Oh, the places we'll go! Assuming we're not detained indefinitely by customs for no legal reason!



Other 'Land' cards: Trump Tower | Holocaust Center | Iran | White House | Comet Pizza --> Click Here to see more Land cards!!

Artifacts

The emperor may have no clothes, but he sure likes to play with his toys!



Other 'Artifact' cards: Pee Pee Tape | Electoral Map | Confederate Flag | Secret Service Laptop | Light on an Unsecured Cellphone --> Click Here to see more Artifact cards!!

Minority Voices

Pardon if they aren't quite as willing to suffer four years as Trump, given their rights are the first to go!



Other 'Minorities' cards: Anne Frank Foundation | Indivisible | We All Hang Out | Blinding Arrogance | Ghost of Frederick Douglass --> Click Here to see more Minorities cards!!

Democrats

Usually feckless and corporatist, they are now in a situation where all they can do is play defense!!



Other 'Democrats' cards: John Kerry | Mayor Sadiq Khan | Sen Elizabeth Warren | Gloat | Buyers Remorse --> Click Here to see more Democrats cards!!

The Antiestablishment Left

The house is on fire, and these people are still holding a grudge about Bernie.



Other 'Antiestablishment' cards: Antifa | Useful Idiot | Glenn Greenwald | Jill Stein Voter | Jill Fucking Stein --> Click Here to see more Antiestablishment cards!!

Armed Authorities

Customs officials and police feel the cuffs are off now when dealing with all those pesky brown and black people!



Other 'ArmedAuthority' cards: Tear Gas to the Nads | Statue of Nope | Yuuuge Wall | Take It Or Leave It | Blue Lives Matter --> Click Here to see more ArmedAuthority cards!!

The Republican Establishment

Evil, but, you know, lawful evil! And by comparison, not as bad as we thought!



Other 'Republicans' cards: Reince Priebus | Scott Pruitt | Ban the Press | Rep Adrian Smith | Rep Raul Labrador --> Click Here to see more Republicans cards!!

Conspiracists

Our President treats Alex Jones as a credible news source. Just let that sink in.



Other 'Conspiracists' cards: Alex Jones | Call to War | Idiot | Prison Planet | Repeal and Replace --> Click Here to see more Conspiracists cards!!

Bureaucrats

The only thing keeping us from chaos are career civil servants intent on serving America faithfully and trying not to get fired!



Other 'Bureaucrats' cards: Flip | Leaking Like a Sieve | Unconstitutional | Decline to Defend | Sally Yates --> Click Here to see more Bureaucrats cards!!

Deplorables

The unholy marriage of sexism, white supremacy, and being an asshole to everyone on Twitter



Other 'Deplorables' cards: David Duke | Grand Dragon | President Bannon | Jason Kessler | Milo Yiannopoulos --> Click Here to see more Deplorables cards!!

The Media

Torn between the clicks the Trump White House gives them, and the desire to stall the fall of the Republic!



Other 'Media' cards: Press Solidarity | Anderson Cooper | Kurt Eichenwald | Ted Koppel | Alexandra Petri --> Click Here to see more Media cards!!

Celebrities

Celebrities have opinions, which you value highly if they match yours!



Other 'Celebrities' cards: Saturday Night Live | Kendall Jenner | Meryl Streep | Ready to Serve | Emasculated --> Click Here to see more Celebrities cards!!

Multicolor (3+ Colors)

These are the things too awesome to fit your puny 2 color paradigm!



Other 'Multi' cards: Notorious RBG | Reality Leigh Winner | Tucker Carlson | Bill OReilly | Jared Kushner --> Click Here to see more Multi cards!!

Front Page | Black | Blue | Green | Red | White | Land | Artifact 3-Colors
Antiestablishment (B/G) | Armed Authorities (R/U) | Bureaucrats (U/W) | Celebrities (B/G) | Conspiracists (B/U)
Democrats (W/G) | Deplorables (R/B) | Media (R/W) | Minorities (G/R) | Republicans (B/W)

MAGA the Gathering is a parody site, and is not sponsored, endorsed or any way affiliated with Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro.

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